Confessions Of A Blader
by Kinkajouu
Summary: All the bladers attend a new school, and Max decides to keep a diary to record his time there. Insaness, lots of humour, and drunken parties galore! WARNINGS: Bad language, lime, lemon, manlove and Mpreg.
1. Chapter 1

+ All the bladers attend a new school, and Max decides to start a diary to record his time there. Insane humour, random training sessions, and drunken parties galore.

+ WARNINGS: Some bad language, lime, lemon, manlove and eventual Mpreg.

+ Disclaimer: I'm only going to say this once. I don't own any characters from Beyblade or anything else Beyblade-related. Which is a right Royal shame. Mrs. McFahrt, however, is mine. The amount of air freshener I have to use is ridiculous, though.

+ A/N: Howdy! Thought a change from a Kai/Tala story would be good. Well, sort of. This still has that lovely couple in it, but the focus is on Max, rather than them XD If you end up liking this, then I can recommend that you read the books by Louise Rennison. Her books are where I pretty much got the idea for this - except she doesn't write sex scenes XD Her first 'Georgia Nicolson' book is called 'Angus, Thongs, And Full-Frontal Snogging', a bloody good laugh, I really do recommend it.

**--**

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 1: Do All English Women Have Facial Hair?**

Tuesday 11th September, 2007

10.16 in the am

Is it normal to turn up to your new school on a bike dressed as a fairy? When you are male? No? Well, Tyson has. Yep, all the bladers have started at this new 'Beyblading Academy'. And I do mean ALL the bladers.

The Blitzkrieg Boyz did put up some resistance… But they've come along too. After Tyson spiked their drinks. With what, I don't know. Or want to know.

So, my new address is:

Max Tate,

Room 101,

Beyblading Academy,

The Midlands,

ENGLAND.

Why do we have to be in England? Because this school is in England, that's why. Why can't they have it in America? Or Japan? Nooooo, it has to be in England. Not that I don't love the English. I do. I love them a lot. Well, a bit, anyway.

10.33 in the am

Tyson just stumbled into my room with half his fairy costume on.

"Er, Tyson, where's the rest of your fairy costume?"

"This place has dogs!"

What?

A few minutes later

It turns out that this school has guard dogs, and they didn't like the look of Tyson's costume. So they ate half of it. It also turns out that I am sharing a room with Tyson. Help me.

I do love Tyson. In a non-gay way. But not enough to share a room with him. Been there, done that, and I have the scars to prove it.

6.00 in the pm

How sad is it, that we have to be down to the canteen at exactly 6pm to have tea, or you don't get any food at all? Very sad. And also very Hitler-like. I wonder if the Headmaster has a moustache…?

6.05 in the pm

The Headmaster turns out to be, in actual fact, a Headmistress. Yet, she still has a moustache.

That's not natural in a woman, is it?

6.30 in the pm

The food is quite good. We had a traditional English dish. 'Bangers and Mash'. Why are they called 'Bangers'? They're sausages! Not 'Bangers'! Do they go 'bang'?! No!

A minute later

They will be going bang is Tyson eats any more of them. In fact, it won't be the 'bangers' going bang. It'll be him.

I have just remembered that I have to share a room with fatty, here. I pray to God that this food doesn't give him gas.

A minute later

God apparently didn't hear me, because Tyson let out a huge fart. At the dinner table. I don't want my pudding now.

5 minutes later

Mrs Headmistress took us all into the 'Assembly Hall' and made us sit on chairs. Obviously. She's introducing all the teachers to us. To be honest, now that everyone is stuffed full of 'bangers', I don't think anyone actually gives a damn who's going to be teaching us.

Bloody Hell, there's a female teacher who has a moustache almost as bushy as Mrs Headmistress'! Do all English women have facial hair?

Also, what is Mrs Headmistress' name?

A minute later

Mrs. McFahrt.

No. I am not joking. That really is her name.

Back in room 101 (also known as my dorm)

9.01 in the pm

Grief, it turns out that we all have to be in bed by 9 o'clock sharp. Well, who's actually going to pay attention to that rule? Apart from Kenny?

Tyson has clearly had too much sugar. I blame the dessert.

Then again, I'm hardly calm myself. I think I've had too much sugar, too.

Bouncing on the beds

9.07 in the pm

Kai and Tala are in the room next to us, so all they're going to be hearing is me and Tyson jumping on the beds. As the headboards are thumping against the wall.

Ah, yes, there is the unmistakable sign of Kai's thumping on the other side of the wall. Heh, I'm just gonna jump more. Just to piss him off.

Oh God, there's someone banging on the door, now. I pray to God that it isn't any of the teachers. Then again, the last time I prayed to God, He didn't hear me. So I'm going to pray to Buddha instead. Oohhhhmmm.

Tyson opened the door. Phew, it was just a very angry and homicidal-looking Tala. I very nearly said homosexual. He's probably that, too. Frankly, nothing would surprise me about that dude.

"Will you PLEASE stop banging on the wall!"

Crikey, he looked so pissed off.

"We're not banging on the wall. We're jumping on the beds."

Nice comeback, Tyson.

"Well, stop jumping on your beds like idiots, and grow up!"

"Ooooh, or what? Are you going to set your big bad wolfie on us?"

I'll start planning your funeral, Tyson.

"Watch your mouth, Tyson. Just quit being so immature or I'll have to report you both."

"Ooooh to who? Head Fart?"

I couldn't control myself, I just burst out laughing. Head Fart! HAHAHAHA. Tala, however, was not at all amused, and just closed our door and left us rolling around on the floor laughing.

Wednesday 12th September 2007

Breakfast

Tyson seems kind of down. I poured a SHIZLOAD of sugar on his cereal, but even that hasn't cheered him up. What's wrong with him? Maybe he didn't get enough sleep? Actually, no, he did. It was me that didn't get enough sleep, because of all his bloody snoring.

"Tyson, you OK?"

"No."

Well, y'know, I was just asking, and an explanation would've been nice. I poked him with my spoon.

"What's wrong?"

"Hilary."

Oh God. On second thoughts, I don't want an explanation. I sooooo don't want to get involved in one of their lover's tiffs again.

"Oh… Erm…" Nicely put, Max. What a way to say you don't want anything to do with this.

"She's been real clingy recently, and on-edge, and yells at me for no apparent reason…"

There was no escaping this one, now. "Well, maybe she just has PMT?"

Tyson just looked at me as if I was mad. What? Why was he looking at me like that? Hilary can get PMT, right?

"So, she has PMT every day of the year?"

Ah, yeah. Good point. No is the answer to that one.

"Erm… Well… What are you… Y'know, going to do about her?" I really hope my disinterest is showing.

"I really like her, but not enough to stay with her. I'm gonna end it."

Apparently I wasn't showing enough disinterest.

"Erm, Tyson, you do remember what happened the last time you tried to finish it with her? You ended up with a split lip and a black eye."

Lunchtime

Mashed potatoes and bangers, again! Do the cooks not know how to cook anything different? It's probably the leftovers of last night's tea. Warmed up. Ewww.

Tyson just sat down next to me. His hat's all crumpled, he has a black eye and he winced slightly when he sat down, so I suspect he received a kick in the balls.

"Did you manage to dump her?"

"Yeah. Then she hit me with a cricket bat. Where she got it from, I don't know. But one of them to the family jewels fucking hurts."

"I can imagine".

Ray, Kenny and Kai just sat down with us. Surely Kai would rather be with the Blitzkrieg Boyz, and surely Ray would want to be with his beloved Mariah?

"You called, Tyson?" Ray said.

Ahh, should've known it was Tyson's fault they were sat with us. Not that I don't love them. I do. Y'know, in a man-friend way.

"I have something to tell you all, and I don't know how you'll react…" Tyson rambled on. Hurry up, man. It can't be that bad.

"You all know I dumped Hilary this morning, right?"

"We can see the evidence of that, Tyson," Kai said.

"Well… The reason I dumped her… Is because she's not my type." Tyson said. What? That's it?

"Don't worry, dude, I'm sure you'll find another girl you like," Ray said, giving Tyson a small smile.

"No, you don't understand… She's not my type… No girl will be my type… Because… I fancy men," Tyson hung his head.

Everyone was sat there, stunned. Well, Kai was hiding it, but we knew he was surprised, too. Tyson was gay?

I repeat, that's it?

"Tyson, it doesn't matter if you go for me," I said. "You're still our friend regar-"

"NO WAY! YOU CAN'T BE GAY!" Ray shouted.

Oh God, he's going to have a nervous spaz attack.

"YOU CAN'T FANCY MEN! IT'S JUST WRONG! AND HOW WILL YOU HAVE SEX?! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT UP THE ARSE, BECAUSE THAT'S AN OUT-TUBE, NOT AN IN-TUBE!"

"Er, Ray? You are aware you're shouting this to the whole canteen?" Kai said. Ray sat down.

Poor Tyson looked mortified. Thanks to Ray's completely random loud mouth, every single blader now knows that Tyson bats for the opposite team. Ahh, I see Hilary over the other side. She doesn't look happy. Then the worst happened, everyone started shouting about it.

"OH MY GOD! TYSON'S GAY!"

"DUDE! I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO THE REST OF THE BLADEBREAERS!"

Dragged Tyson out of the canteen. Screw lunch.

1.30 in the pm

We have 15 minutes before a training session, and therefore have to face some other bladers. Tyson seems really depressed. I guess he never imagined this happening when he decided to come out of the closet.

"Tyson?"

No answer.

"Come on, Tyson. Cheer up."

Still no answer. I'm going to have to beat him up some more in a minute.

"Tyson, listen, it's not the end of the world. Sure, everyone will talk about it for a while, but then they'll get bored of talking about you. Just enjoy the attention. Be proud of your sexuality."

Tyson actually looked up, with a smile on his face.

"You're right. GAY FOR GLORY!"

Oh, God. What have I done?

Training

We had to run laps, and of course, there were other males bent over in front of us. Tyson had a nice view of Kai's arse. He was _so_ checking Kai out! I just beg to… Buddha (ohhhmmmm) that Kai doesn't notice. Tyson would then have the other eye blacked for him.

Also, is it just me, or is Tala glaring at Tyson as Tyson is staring at Kai's nice, round, peachy bottom?

I did not just say that.

But Tala really is glaring at Tyson isn't he? If looks could kill… I guess it's a good think Tyson can't see, as he's got his face practically pressed against Kai's butt. Then again, it might be a bad thing, because Tala might attack him. Even when he's not looking.

8.05 in the pm

In our dorm. Tyson is lay on his bed, reading a book, strangely calm. After the madness that has been today, I ready for some well-deserved sleep.

Problem is, I fear I may never sleep again…

A minute later

ZZzzzzzzz….

--

+ A/N: So, how what that for the first chapter?? Random? Mad?? Yep, that's what I was aiming for XD Remember to review!!


	2. Chapter 2

+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: The usual language, implied Kai/Tala sex, Lee singing very wrong lyrics to 'Mary Had A Little Lamb', and drunkenness.

+ Disclaimer: In first chapters, ninnies. Mrs. McFahrt remains the property of me. Though I will auction her off for a high price. The 'bum crack of dawn' does not belong to me. Watch Viva La Spring Break. Then you'll get it. The new lyrics to 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' are mine, now XD Mary also belongs to me, for she is my Mother.

+ A/N: It seems that I finally found out how to stop the story from getting all underlined and stuff. Which is good, because it was really annoying me XD Oh well, onwards and upwards with the next chapter! And thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! I apologise, for this chapter isn't as long as the last, but I've tried to make it as funny as possible D The next chapter will be longer wink. Enjoy and please review D

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**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 2: But I Thought He Was Gay?**

Friday 14th September 2007

6.10 in the am

Up at the bum crack of dawn. Quite literally. Tyson has woken me up with his snoring, and I rolled over to glare at him, and his bum crack is revealing itself to the extreme. We don't even have to be up until 7. This is ridiculous.

A minute later

I am going to entertain myself by writing things on Tyson's face. In permanent marker. Hee hee.

A minute later

OK, I haven't as such written anything on his face. But I have drawn a penis on his forehead. Do you know what the funny thing is? He won't even notice until someone points it out later. And that someone will not be me.

I can hear banging and moaning from the room next door. Wait…? That's Kai's and Tala's room!! And they have the cheek to tell us to shut up when we were… Hang on… Banging and moaning? Tala and Kai?

Oh God.

5 minutes later

I have hidden under my duvet, and trying to ignore it as best as I can. Actually, if I just uncover my ear… Yes, they've stopped. I REALLY don't want to imagine what they were doing in there. Well, actually, I know what they probably doing. I just don't want to let the images get in my- oh, wait, too late. There they are. The images. I will not be able to look Kai and Tala in the eyes later.

Hell, I won't be able to look at them at all.

7.00 in the am

Tyson's alarm is going off. Not that it ever wakes him up. Usually, if I pour a glass of water on him like this…

"FUCKING HELL, MAX!"

Hahaha. Owned.

7.15 in the am

Tyson has gone back to sleep. But that's cool, because if I let him sleep late, it means he won't have time to have a full wash and therefore won't look in the mirror to see that he has a penis on his head.

7.52 in the am

Tyson's rushing around like a fool, trying to get ready, and is blaming me for not waking him up, which I find very unfair, because I did wake him up. It's not my fault the lazy slob went back to sleep.

Breakfast

8.02 in the am

Tyson keeps wondering why everyone we pass is staring at him. And also why the canteen ladies' were looking at his forehead, and missed his plate when trying to give him scrambled egg. I am trying sooooo hard not to laugh.

Obviously, I am failing. Tyson is glaring at me.

"Alright, Max. Why is everyone staring at my forehead, and why are you laughing? What have you done?"

Damn.

A minute later

Tyson didn't find the news that someone, I.e. me, had drawn a penis on his forehead in permanent marker very funny. I find it bloody hilarious, in all honesty. As do Tala and… Oh noooo, not Tala and his moaning. Out of my head, mental images!

Anyway, I now have a bruised cheek from where Tyson punched me. He says that it's half of his payback. I don't even want to think what the other half of his payback is.

Hilary's just wandered over to us. Uh-oh.

"Hi Max, friend of Max," Hilary glared at Tyson.

"Er, hi, Hilary?" I replied.

"I wanted to know if you'd meet me later in the gardens at lunch," Hilary smiled sweetly.

Oh noooo. No, Max. Say no. Say no, dammit!

"Er, yeah, sure. Why not?"

WHAT?! MAX TO BRAIN! WHYYYY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?! MAX TO MOUTH! WHY DO YOU DO WHAT BRAIN SAYS AND NOT MEEE?!

Hilary wandered off with a big smile on her face. Tyson looked positively furious.

"Don't worry, Tyson. Nothing will happen. You can come along and hide behind a tree or in a bush or something to make sure nothing happens," I try my cutest smile. Tyson just nods.

I really hope Hilary doesn't try anything now. I will be deader than dead if she does.

English

10.10 in the am

Did I mention that we do normal lessons as well as Beyblading lessons and training and stuff? No? Well, we do normal lessons as well as Beyblading lessons and training and stuff. Hahahaha. Shut up, brain.

We, being Tyson and myself, happen to be sat behind Kai and Tala. Unfortunately, I can't help but think about this morning, and their moaning. I reaaalllllyyyy hope they weren't doing what I think they were doing. I can only just handle (oo-er) Tyson being gay.

The only problem with us being sat behind Kai and Tala, is that Tyson isn't concentrating on the work, and instead is letting his eyes wander down to where we all know Kai's butt is sat. I think Tyson has the horn. For Kai. Eek.

Lunch

I went and met Hilary, like she wanted me to. Tyson's hidden in a bush just a little way from the bench we're sat on. Hopefully, Hilary doesn't suspect he's there.

"So, erm… What did you want to meet up for?"

"Well, actually, to give you this."

Huh?

That's when she leaned in towards me and closed her eyes and KISSED me! OH. MY. GOD. Max to brain, tell hands to push her away!

Nooooo!! Lips!! DON'T KISS BACK!

I am being betrayed by my own body parts!!

HANDS! GET DOWN! Ahhhh, one of my arms have wrapped themselves around Hilary's waist, and the other hand is stroking her hair.

I have no control over my own body.

"AHEM!"

Ahhh the arrival of Tyson. I am about to be killed. Good, lips have pulled away, as have the hands. Now, legs, if you just stand up…

"Oh, nothing will happen will it?!"

"Tyson…. She started it." Max, that was a lame defence.

"I did, Tyson. Because Max is lovely and you are a twat. See you later." Hilary walked off.

What?

Tyson is looking daggers at me. He's clearly not happy.

But I thought he was gay?

"I thought you were gay?"

"I am. But she's still my ex-girlfriend, and therefore no friend should do anything with her."

"Fair point, well made. I still stick to the fact that she started it."

"I saw that she did. I just wondered why you didn't stop it."

Ahhh… Yeah.

"Well… It seems I have no control over my body."

"Like this morning when your hand just slipped and drew a cock on my head?"

"Exactly."

Tea

Why do the English call it 'tea'? We don't get it in a cup, and it is therefore not a cup of tea. Maybe I'm just reading too much into the English culture and why they are weird for it. Then again, they think we are weird because we call pants 'pants'. When they call pants 'trousers'.

Tyson has forgiven me (ish) for the kissing-Hilary-scenario. He blames it on her, which is good. He still wants revenge, though. For the kissing-Hilary-scenario, and the slip of the hand that caused me to draw a penis on his forehead. Which is still there, I might add.

I'd also like to point out that the kiss with Hilary was my first ever kiss. I'm thinking about it way too much. As Tyson said, even though he is gay and no longer with Hilary, she is off-limits. I will never find myself attached to her lips ever again.

5 minutes later

The Barthez Battalions have just announced that they're throwing a party tonight, and everyone's invited. They have added that there will also be alcohol. They also really need to change their name.

11.21 in the pm

Everyone is going to be very hungover and exhausted tomorrow morning. I'm feeling the tipsyness myself. Thank God it's actually Saturday tomorrow. All we ever do on Saturday's is practice matches.

OK, I've decided I'm not tipsy. I am very drunk. Very, very drunk. Because tipsyness isn't even a word. Hahaha.

Tyson's as pissed as a fart. No, he's pissed as a McFahrt, in fact. Hahaha. That could be like a new McDonald's meal or something. Not that anyone would want to try a Crispy McFahrt burger.

OK, I really am drunk.

I can see Hilary dancing with Michael. Well, actually, I can see two Hilary's dancing with two Michael's. But my point is that they are dancing, the four of them, and Tyson is giving them the eagle eye.

"Dudes, you needs to get overrr her," oh God. I'm slurring.

"Yeah, I know." How come Tyson isn't slurring?

I can see two Kai's snogging two random redhead's. Can't make out who the two redhead's are, though. Mainly because they are in a dark secluded corner of this room. Also, because my vision has gotten super bad, now. I can only tell it's Kai by his hair.

Lee has just gotten up on the stage. Where the Barthez Battalions got a stage from, I don't know.

"Listennnnn up everyone. I'm going to sings a songgg. Do you knows what my songs is going to be?"

He is drunk as a McFahrt.

"I am going to sings 'Mary Hads A Little Tramp'."

Now, I may be drunk, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean that. I'm also sure that what he's singing aren't the real lyrics.

"Mary hads a little tramp, its Priest was white as a blooowwwwjooob!"

Those really aren't the real words. You can't have little kids singing that. Oh, look, there's Mariah and Ray dragging Lee of the stage. He's started stripping.

What have they put in this alcohol?

For some peculiar reason, I've got up on the stage, now.

"Listens up peoples. I has something to announces."

Must. Stop. Slurring.

On the other hand, I have gotten the attention of everyone in the room. Bar the two Kai's and their two redheads.

"I can't holds this to myselves anymore. I needs to tell you, that Emily. And the Emily next to you, for you are the same persons, but I'm seeing you both. I really fancies the arses off you both."

What?

Everyone has started giggling, and Tyson has dragged me off the stage, shouting, "NICE ONE MATIES! THE EMILYS CAN'T RESIST YOU NOW!".

I can see two very red-faced Emily's over the other side of the room.

Well, I could, until I collapsed and fell on the floor. Tyson thought it was a game and laughed and fell down as well.

Maybe I'd had a bit too much to drink…


	3. Chapter 3

_+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: There may well be bad language. You know how I love it. There will also be MANLOVE and a LIME. A VERY explicit one. I suggest that if you don't like, then you don't read._

_+ Disclaimer: Main stuff in first chapter, and anything added in chapter two still stands._

_+ A/N: I actually don't have much to say for once XD Other than thank you to Sonza and StZen for reviewing both of my chapters XD The reason I'm good at writing people drunk, is because I've had enough experiences being drunk myself LOL. Anyway, thank you. Enjoy this chapter, and remember that a review is almost as good as a cup of tea._

_--_

_**Confessions Of A Blader**_

_**Chapter 3: Sometimes, I Wonder If I Have A Brain At All**_

_Saturday 15__th__ September 2007_

_10.15 in the am_

_Errrr, what time is it? Oh, that's the time. Here's a question for you: how did I get back into my dorm? And my bed? How did I get my rather cute pyjamas on? I remember collapsing, and then I must've blanked out. Hmmm…_

_Tyson's snoring away. I wonder if he has any headache tablets hidden away anywhere? I have a bitch of a headache. I hope Tyson has a bad hangover like I do. It just wouldn't be fair if he didn't._

_Oh bloody Hell. I've just remembered that I declared that I fancied Emily to everyone. I may have to apologise later. I mean, I've always thought she's a bit of alright, but that was no way to tell her._

_Bugger this, I'm going back to sleep._

_12.01 in the pm_

_So, I just catch another couple of hours sleep, and then Tyson wakes up and starts shouting in my ear._

"_MAX?! HELLOOOOO?! DO… YOU… HAVE… ANY… HEADACHE… TABLETS?!"_

_I threw my mobile phone at him. That'll teach him._

_A few minutes later_

_It apparently didn't teach him, because he carried on and on and on and on and on, and so on. I suppose he's answered my question. Neither of us have any headache tablets. I wonder if it'll be safe to knock on Kai and Tala's door and ask if they have any?_

_Actually, no. I won't even bother._

"_Tyson, here's a question for you."_

"_No, your bum does not look big in that."_

_That actually wasn't what I was going to ask, but, erm, OK?_

"_Well, that's good to hear, but what I was actually going to ask was, how did I get back in our dorm? And in my bed? And in my pyjamas?"_

"_I have no idea. After you passed out on the floor, I lay down with you, laughing, and then I passed out, too, and then we're here, if you know what I mean."_

"_Why were you laughing?"_

"_Can't remember."_

"_Fair enough."_

_12.10 in the pm_

_I have sent Tyson a-knocking on Kai and Tala's door to see if they have any headache tablets. And to ask if they know how we ended back up in our dorm. It really confuses me. Surely no one's strong enough to carry Tyson? Not even Dunga, Gary or Crusher could carry him. He is that heavy._

_12.15 in the pm_

_Tyson's back._

"_Well?" I said._

_Tyson chucked me some headache tablets. Yesss!! Result!_

"_What about the 'how-did-we-end-back-up-in-our-dorm' thing? Did you ask them about that?"_

"_Didn't get chance to. I knocked, but no one answered, so I just went in. Then Kai mumbled "get the fuck out", and then I asked for some tablets, and then Tala chucked some at me, and said "you heard", and then I was about to ask how we ended up back here, but one of them punched me," Tyson replied._

"_One of them?"_

"_Yes, one of them. Because it was only one fist."_

"_No, that's not what I meant, you prat. I mean you couldn't tell which one?"_

"_Nope. It's unnaturally dark in their room. Like they've boarded up their window or something."_

"_Frankly, that wouldn't surprise me."_

_It really wouldn't. Anyway, I remembered that Tyson had given me some tablets, and so I took a couple before tossing them (oo-er) back to Tyson._

_A few minutes later_

_We decided to go down to see if we could still get some lunch. A lot of people looked very hungover, and a few were still staring on Tyson. I've only just noticed, but he still has that penis on his forehead. Hahaha._

_We were just about to approach the canteen ladies', when someone shouted over to me._

"_Hey, Max! We hear you declared your luuuuurve for Emily last night!"_

_Oh God. So even the people who hadn't gone to the stupid party knew?_

"_Max and Emily, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!"_

"_Don't worry, I'm sure she'll happily take your virginity, Max!"_

_I left. Didn't feel hungry anymore._

_3.00 in the pm_

_My God, is that the time already? I've been wandering around the school gardens for just under three hours?? I might have sunburn now, though. Ah, well. Am I bothered?_

_How am I ever going to live last night down? My confession was worse than Lee's version of 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'. Though, admittedly, I didn't start to strip my clothes off whilst confessing I have a crush on Emily. Then I really wouldn't be able to show my face in public again._

_I might take a nice walk down by the river. It's down the very bottom of the school grounds, and if you follow it along, you apparently reach the edge of town._

_Sat under a tree next to the river somewhere_

_3.30 in the pm_

_I love rivers. So soothing and watery and… Stuff. Yeah. I can see little fishies swimming along. The river doesn't look all that deep, and it isn't flowing all that fast, so maybe we could swim in it sometime?_

_I know, if I ever bring Tyson down here, I'll push him in first to make sure it's safe, hahaha._

_3.32 in the pm_

_I have company. Apparently, Tala saw me walking down to the river and decided to follow me. He is now sat next to me, watching the water. What are you supposed to say in situations like this? I mean, Tala's not a very talkative dude. Where as I'm usually very talkative. Yes, I bet you couldn't imagine us two being in each other's company for long._

_3.47 in the pm_

_I have spent a whole 15 minutes with Tala Ivanov, and we haven't said a word to each other since he announced his presence and told me how he followed me. What could I possibly say to start a conversation?_

"_Erm…"_

_Excellent beginning of conversation, Max. Sometimes, I wonder if I have a brain at all._

"_So, I hear you fancy Emily?"_

_Oh, God. Am I never to be free about that?_

"_Erm… Yeah, I do."_

_Well, what's the point of denying it? Everyone knows that very drunk people are only capable of telling the truth. Which, in all honesty, sucks._

"_Have you ever had the urge?"_

_Pardon? There's something I never thought I'd hear Tala say._

"_Err, the urge to do what, exactly?"_

"_Move on from girls and go with a guy instead?"_

_Why must everyone insist on being gay?! OK, I've thought about it, but it's not something I'd do full-time. I'm quite happy fancying girls._

"_I've thought about making out with guys before, yeah. Once or twice."_

_Brain and mouth, you just really don't listen to me, do you?_

"_Want to try it?"_

_NOTE TO BRAIN AND MOUTH! DENY TALA HIS OFFER!_

"_Are you offering?"_

_NOOOOOOOO! WRONG ANSWER YOU FOOLISH BODY PARTS!_

"_Definitely."_

"_Then, I don't see why not."_

_I actually give up. My mouth and brain work on their own. I may as well be asleep or dead, because no matter what I want, they just go ahead and do and say what they want. Bastards._

_Tala leaned in closer to me. Now, I pray to Buddha (remember your 'ohhhmmm's, Max) that my lips forget what they're doing and go all spazzy. Then I shall laugh, and Tala will think I'm a weirdo, but at least my body parts will then discover that they can't work fully without me being a willing participant._

_A minute later_

_Bloody lips are in cahoots with the mouth and brain, aren't they? Here I am, snogging the face off Tala Ivanov. Who, I have just discovered, really is gay. So those bumping and moaning noises I heard yesterday morning really were what I thought._

_Anyway, Tala has pushed me back, so I'm lay down, and I'm running my hands through his hair, which is making him moan, and therefore it is turning me on. STAND DOWN, LITTLE SOLDIER!_

_Also, Tala tastes super nice. Kind of like strawberries. And I like strawberries. He keeps pushing his tongue into my mouth, too, which is nice, in it's own way, but there's only room for one tongue in my mouth, and that is my own. Even though it never listens to me._

_A minute later_

_Y'know, I thought I fancied Emily. So can someone remind me why I am making out with Tala Ivanov, who happens to be male, next to a river?_

_Oh, yes. It was because of my brain, mouth and lips._

_Bastards._

_A minute later_

_I am quite enjoying it, though. It has to be said that Tala is indeed a very good kisser._

_A few minutes later after the last few minutes_

_Taking a breather. Tala has now moved off of me, and is lying next to me, just staring into space._

"_Tala? You OK?"_

_He didn't answer, but just turned his head to look at me. I tilted my head in what I hoped was an irresistibly cute way._

_Not that I'm trying to attract Tala, or anything._

_4.05 in the pm_

_OK, he didn't even ASK if he could kiss me that time! He just leaned in and claimed my lips with his own, and then my lips responded._

_Err… His hand's trailing a little low for my liking._

_A certain lovestick of mine, though, seems to be liking the fact that Tala's hand is getting closer and closer to it. My bloody penis is in cahoots with the mouth, lips and brain, isn't it?!_

_Bastards!!_

_A minute later_

_Oh my God, that feels good._

_6.03 in the pm_

_Eating our 'tea'. Tala is sat back over with Kai. I'm munching my food silently, still thinking about what happened a couple of hours ago. Hmmm… I can vaguely hear Tyson talking about something, but I'm not really paying attention._

"_Dude, you OK?" I hear him ask._

_Can't even remember if I replied or not._

_9.30 in the pm_

_I'm gonna have to say what happened this afternoon with Tala. It's eating away at me, and I can't decide if I liked it or not. OK, at the time I did… But still…_

_- Flashback -_

_4.05 in the pm_

_OK, he didn't even ASK if he could kiss me that time! He just leaned in and claimed my lips with his own, and then my lips responded._

_Err… His hand's trailing a little low for my liking._

_A certain lovestick of mine, though, seems to be liking the fact that Tala's hand is getting closer and closer to it. My bloody penis is in cahoots with the mouth, lips and brain, isn't it?!_

_Bastards!!_

_A minute later_

_Oh my God, that feels good._

_Tala's fondling my erection through the material of my jeans. It feels sooooo damn good. I certainly was getting very hard, and I was moaning quite loudly into the kiss that Tala was still giving me._

_Just as suddenly as Tala has started touching me and kissing me, he stopped. I let out a disappointed growl as I felt him pull away._

"_Max, listen, I don't want to have sex. I just want to have some fun."_

"_That's fine. Have fun with me," I breathed._

_I felt Tala's hand undoing my jeans, and he pulled them down slightly. You could clearly see my erection through my boxers now. Tala pulled those down slightly, too, and I felt the warm September air hit my arousal. _

_Tala started stroking me, and I immediately started moaning. This felt better than when I was doing it myself!! I then felt hot breath tickling my groin, and Tala took my entire length into his mouth, gave a few sucks, and then drew back before stroking me again._

_I had no idea if Tala was as aroused as I was, but it wouldn't be long before I reached my limit. Tala was still pumping me, but his hand was moving faster and faster, and my moans were getting louder and louder until I couldn't take it anymore. I drew my knees up, and came into Tala's hot hand._

_He gave a me a few extra strokes to tease the last of my orgasm out of me, and then let go, wiping his hand on the grass. I opened my eyes, as at some point I had closed them, but they were so glazed over from pleasure, and I was breathing so heavily, that I couldn't really make anything out until Tala stood._

"_Where're you going?" I asked._

"_Back to the school. I said I only wanted to have some fun, and now I have. See you later, Max," Tala replied._

_What? WHAT?! He was going to wank me off, and then just WALK off?! Without even so much as saying "you've been the best wank of my life"?_

_I pulled my boxers and jeans back up and fastened them before making my own way back to the school._

- End Flashback -

Yeah, the twat just walked off. God knows what that was all about, but it sure has confused me. I still really fancy Emily, though. A LOT. So maybe I'm bisexual? But then, the thought of another sexual encounter with a male doesn't really appeal to me. So maybe I was just bicurious?

Ohhh, I don't know. And now's not the time to think it over, because Tyson has just walked in with two pairs of those false glasses with an attached nose and moustache.

"Dude, let's go terrorize the neighbourhood, I.e. Kai and Tala!"

Oh my God, no.

"Sorry, Tyson. I'm just too worn out. I just want to go to sleep."

"Tough."

"Well, OK, but not Kai and Tala, OK?"

"Why not?"

Ahhh, now I need to think of a reason to not go anywhere near Tala. One that Tyson will believe.

"Because they will kill us."

That, Maxie-boy, was the lamest reason you have ever thought of.

9.30 in the pm

Running down the halls with Tyson, knocking on the doors, and shouting either "April Fool's!" or "Trick or Treat!" with our glasses-complete-with-nose-and-moustache masks on. I have to say, it has cheered me up a LOT from the confusingness that has been my day.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU TWO ARE DOING?!"

Oh, crap. Mrs. McFahrt is obviously on Hall duty tonight. And has just caught me and Tyson out of our room. Playing pranks.

5 minutes later

In our beloved 'Head's office. She's shouting about immaturity, and how we should be in bed and so on. I don't see why. I mean, it's Sunday tomorrow. Meaning we won't be doing anything productive.

In Room 101 (our dorm)

9.45 in the pm

McFahrt was not amused. She has given us both detention on Monday after lessons. Do you know what we will be doing? Cleaning toilets. Bloody fabulous.

Tyson finds it very funny. He would. He won't be, though, when I flush his head down one of the toilets. One of the dirty ones. It's all his bloody fault we got caught. It's his bloody fault we were out in the first place.

5 minutes later

I'm still thinking about the 'encounter' with Tala earlier. I have decided that I really am not gay. I was just curious, but I'm not anymore. I actually prefer my own right hand. And I still fancy the pants off Emily.

Mariam's quite cute, too.

A minute later

Oh, God. I so did not just say that.

A minute later

I am so full of confusion, that I might not sleep for the next few days.

ZZzzzzzzz.


	4. Chapter 4

_+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Bad language, as per usual, drinking, drunkenness, Lee stripping (again), and Tyson doing something we really don't need to see on the dance floor - and no, he isn't dancing. Implied Kai/Tala love. Heh. Also implied Max/Emily love. Double heh._

_+ Disclaimer: I still own nothing. Sadly. Except Mrs. McFahrt. She is still mine. I keep her in a bubble._

_+ A/N: Ooookay. So this update hasn't been as quick as the rest. I'd blame it on laziness, but that isn't the full reason for a lack of update XD My internet only works when it wants to, my laptop itself has started to play up, and I've been so busy with work and driving lessons that I've only had spare time in which to sleep, as I've had a lack of it. Ergghhhh. Onwards and upwards, I say!_

_--_

_**Confessions Of A Blader**_

_**Chapter 4: Well, Scrub My Face With A Brillo Pad!**_

_Monday 16__th__ September 2007_

_7.45 in the am_

_Huff huff, rush rush, pant pant. If you are wondering why I am rushing around, it is because neither mine or Tyson's alarm clocks went off. Bloody technology. Well, actually it probably would've helped if we'd set the alarms… _

_Never mind. Yesterday was a boring day. Sundays are officially crap. I didn't see Tala at all yesterday, either, so I couldn't ask him what in the name of arse was going on on Saturday afternoon._

_It's good, though, we have English today, so I'm bound to see him at some point. And confront him._

_I don't want to confront him in front of Kai, though. Just in case, y'know, they are… Together._

_8.02 in the am_

_Or is it two hairs past a mole? Hahahahahahahahahaha. Shut up, brain._

_English_

_9.00 in the am_

_I keep kicking Tala's chair to try and get his attention, but he is doing ignoring me like mad. Maybe he's actually paying attention to the teacher?_

_Two minutes later_

_No, he's not. He was actually asleep. The teacher called out his name so he could answer a question, and he jerked awake and snorted and said, "sorry, Miss, I fell asleep. What did you say?"._

_I know English is boring, but, Christ… Actually falling asleep in class? I thought only Tyson was capable of that._

_Talking of Tyson sleeping in class, he's doing that as I speak. Or type. Hahahaha. SHUT UP, BRAIN!_

_Lunch_

_Sat all on my onesy. Out in the gardens. Tyson's busy talking to Miguel, so I thought I'd leave him to it, since he was flirting outrageously._

_One minute later_

_I __was_ sat on my onesy. Tala has just joined me. Oh God, please don't let him say "hey, let's go down to the river and do a repeat of Saturday".

… He's not actually saying anything. That's rather rude. He just plonks himself down on this bench next to me and doesn't even say hello?

"Max, listen…"

"No. What was Saturday all about?"

"Well, that's what I was going to talk to you about, actually."

"Oh…"

"What happened on Saturday was a one-time thing. It'll never happen again."

"It won't?"

"No, I promise," Tala was running his fingers through his hair. And now that I can see his face fully, he has a bruise on his cheek.

"Er, how did you get that bruise?"

"Kai."

Is he going to explain?

"Er…"

"I guess I was feeling really frustrated on Saturday. I was really horny, and Kai wouldn't give me any. I shouldn't have come to you, though."

WHAT?!

"You… And Kai?"

"Uh huh. Once Kai found out what I'd done to you on Saturday, he wasn't impressed, obviously. He hit me, but it's all OK, now. I got some from him last night, so I'm happy."

I reaaalllllyyy don't want to know about his and Kai's sex life.

"Anyway, sorry, Max. It'll never happen again, I promise. Now, excuse me, but I have a rather sexy boyfriend that I need to ravage before our next lesson."

Err… Tala has just walked off… Leaving me in a state of shock.

Maths

2.10 in the pm

Well, scrub my face with a Brillo Pad! Kai and Tala are together!!

Yes, it really has just hit me! No wonder they sit together all the time, share the same room, make moaning noises in said room, and… Snog each other in the dark corners of rooms at parties.

A few minutes later

Johnny, who happens to be in our Maths class, has just announced to everyone that he and the rest of the Majestics are throwing a party. Is it just me, or have all the beybladers now turned into party animals?

4.00 in the pm

Me and Tyson are cleaning the toilets as part of our punishment for running around playing jokes on people on Saturday night.

It smells sooooo bad.

Tyson is singing. I don't know what he's so cheery about, personally. I'm not that happy to have my head shoved down a toilet whilst cleaning all the crap out of it.

Moving onto the next toilet, and… Oh, for God's sake. Someone's shoved a toilet roll down this one! Why do people feel the need to do that?!

Tyson's singing is really starting to annoy me. If I just sneak into his cubicle and pull the chain…

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Hahahahaha. I rule.

The Party

9.09 in the pm

Good luck to the teachers tomorrow. No one's going to be able to learn anything because we're all too drunk. Well, actually, I've not had much to drink. I'm not going to get as pissed as a McFahrt like I did last time.

Tyson is absolutely bladdered, as usual. He shouldn't be allowed out to parties. He'll only make a fool of himself. Like now. I've persuaded him to pull his trousers and boxers back up, because the sight of him swinging his cock back and forth in front of everyone in the middle of the dance floor is not a pretty one.

Ahhh, yes, there is Tala and Kai, in their corner, kissing for America. I don't know why they bother coming to parties if all they're going to do is kiss. Why don't they just stay in their own room and kiss there?

Lee is up on stage again, singing. I can't quite make out the lyrics, but it seems to be sang to the tune of Humpty Dumpty. Why that dude only knows nursery rhymes, I don't know. Maybe he has had a very sheltered childhood. And teenage life.

I can see flashing. As in, a camera flash, not someone actually flashing. Though, if Lee makes it to the end of the song, he'll start stripping again… No, someone's taking pictures of Tala and Kai. Ahhh well, they were going to get found out eventually.

A few minutes later

It does amaze me how the teachers just let us throw parties.

Ahhh yes, Lee has reached the end of his song, and some blithering idiot's put "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" on, and so Lee is now stripping to that. What worries me, is that he was actually wearing the stripping-type trousers. Y'know the ones. Where you can just pull them off. Does he plan to strip earlier on in the day or something?

Oh, God. He is butt-naked. Parading around on stage.

I'm going to leave now…

"Hi, Max."

Maybe I'm not. I turn around to find myself face-to-face with Emily.

"Err, hi, Emily." I put on my biggest smile, hoping she doesn't remember the last party incident.

"I was just wondering, if you really meant what you said at the last party".

OK, so she does. I'm so glad it's dark, because my face is as red as a red pepper. Or two. And a tomato. Hahahahaha. DOWN, BRAIN!

"Uh, yeah, I did. But I didn't mean to embarrass both me and you when I admitted that. I was a tad drunk."

At least she was smiling.

"That's OK. Sorry I haven't have time to talk to you earlier about this. I've been real busy," Emily said.

"It's cool. I've been… Busy, myself."

Oh, yeah, busy getting pleasured by Tala Ivanov. Which was sooooo not my fault.

"So, erm…" I really do need to find a better way to start conversations. I'm not normally this crap at talking. Normally, people can't shut me up!

"Do you want to dance?" Emily asked.

To 'I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt'? Hardly, but I can't turn her down.

9.30 in the pm

Still grooving like gravy. Hahahaha. Shut up, brain.

It has to be said, that Emily is a fab dancer. Definitely better than Tyson, anyway. I'm pretty sure that running around whilst waving your arms and hands in the air cannot be counted as dancing. It does tell everyone that you are a moron, though.

9.35 in the pm

It seems like ages that I've been dancing with Emily. I also thought it was later than this. But, apparently not.

11.15 in the pm

The party is apparently coming to an end soon. Good, because I'm knackered.

Ahhhhhhh! Someone's put a slow song on!! REMAIN CALM, MAX! Feh! Like I'll remain calm! AHHHH!!

What do normal people do when a slow song comes on, and their crush is stood next to them, giving them a really odd look, because you're just stood there staring into space whilst your brain explodes?

Did that make sense?

Who cares?!

"Er, Emily, do you want to dance to this one?"

"Erm, OK."

I was kind of hoping she'd say no, so I can just escape and be mad somewhere else. But Nooooo. So, I pull her close… Good arms, doing as you're told. Ahh and she has her arms round my neck. Aww we must look so cute. I wish you'd shut up, brain. Just, shut it.

5 minutes later

Still slow dancing. How long does this song go on for? Also, this can't count as dancing. We're just swaying on the spot. Occasionally turning around. That is not dancing.

Ahhh song has stopped.

Emily has suddenly grabbed my yud. Sorry, head.

OH MY GOD! She is kissing me! Max to lips! Max to lips! RESPOND!

Christ, I'm going to have to install buttons for each of my body parts, somewhere, so I can't actually make them do what I want.

Goooooood. The lips are responding. And it had to be said that Emily is a brilliant kisser. Much better than Hilary. Or Tala. Noooo, I won't let those experiences back into my head!

A few minutes later

We've stopped kissing, which is good, because I was beginning to run out of air. Nobody wants to be kissing a dead Max.

I've just let that image into my head. Damn.

"Erm… Do you want to come to my room?" Emily asked me.

"Don't you share with Mariah?"

"Yes, but she's staying with Ray tonight."

"So where will Lee be staying?"

"He'll probably collapse in the gardens again. I don't know or care. Do you want to stay in my room tonight or not?"

Ooooh she's a demanding little minx. I like it. Shut up, brain.

"Sure! We'll stop by my room first so I can pick up some clothes for tomorrow."

Emily gave me a naughty little grin, which I have to say I really liked, and she led me out of the dance hall place, wherever the party is being held, and up the stairs to my room.

Once we were inside, Emily immediately sat down on my bed. How rude. But I started rummaging through some drawers (oo-er) to find appropriate clothing for tomorrow. Found some.

"Right, are we off to your room now?"

"Yep."

There was that naughty little look again!

I followed her through some more corridors, hoping to Ra or Buddha, but not God, that no teachers found us, until we reached a door that had a little plaque on it saying "Room 203 - Emily and Mariah". Awww. Why don't me and Tyson have our names on our door? I won't suggest it to Tyson, because he'll just write our names really big over the entire door. That is the sort of person he is.

Wow. I half expected this room to be bright pink and have Mariah's influence everywhere. But in actual fact, the room is creamy coloured. It's all very neutral. I like it.

"I wouldn't let Mariah paint it pink, if you're wondering," Emily said to me, rummaging through a drawer with her back turned to me. How did she know that I was wondering why everything wasn't pink?!

"How come it's creamy coloured, then?" I asked.

"Because I told her a neutral colour would be better. She eventually agreed," Emily replied, holding up what she was looking for.

Oh. My. God. It was a shame that this room wasn't dark, and now my blush could be seen by all. Well, Emily, anyway.

"Why are you blushing? What did you expect to come up to my room for? Just to sleep?" Emily grinned, waving the little blue packet in my face.

She asks a very good question, actually. What did I expect when coming up to her room? Not sex, but that's what she wants. Thinking about it… So do I…

"Yeah, but, don't you think this is moving too fast?"

"Are you making excuses?" Emily pouted at me. Oh, God Nooooo. Don't pout at me.

"No, I really want to. I was just wondering if you thought this was going too fast?"

"Yes, but I want you."

I give in. At least she's prepared. Which worries me, because it means she's been thinking about this a LOT. Well, so have I, admittedly…

She grabs my head again, pulling me into another kiss, and we fall to the bed. Hopefully hers. Mariah would kill us if we, well, you know, on her bed.

Christ, clothes are flying around the room as if they have a mind of their own. But that doesn't matter. All that does matter is Emily and the fact that we are on her bed, naked, and about to have sexytime.

An hour later

Max is happy. Emily also looks super cute, all cuddled up to me, and sleeping and stuff. Awww. I give her a kiss on her forehead, and she cuddles in closer. Awww. I will stop 'awwwing'.

My phone is ringing. Who? Oh, it's Tyson.

"Hello?"

"MAX?!" Tyson shouted at me.

"No, it's the Pope. Of course it's Max, you idiot. Who did you expect to answer when calling my number?" I roll my eyes, but he can't see. Emily apparently can, though. She's woken up, and is giggling.

"Why aren't you in our dorm? And what's that giggling?"

"Are you in our dorm?"

"No."

"Then how do you know I'm not in our dorm?"

"Because you're not answering the door, and I can't hear you talking to me from inside."

Ah.

"Well, I happen to be in someone else's dorm, with a very pretty girl, and I must go now." I was about to cut him off, when…

"OH! SO YOU'RE IN EMILY'S DORM, AND YOU'VE JUST HAD HOT SEX, HAVE YOU?!"

How did he know?

"How did you-"

Another voice spoke.

"Ahhh so little Maxie finally got some from his crush!"

OH MY GOD! IT WAS TALA!

"Tyson and Tala, though he probably can't hear me, I am going now. I shall see you all tomorrow."

I put the phone down, just as someone else started to join in. It was probably Kai. But I didn't know or care.

"Can we go to sleep now?" Emily mumbled sleepily.

"Definitely."

I gave her another kiss, and we snuggled down under her duvet more. Awww. Shut up, brain.

15 minutes later

Emily snores almost as bad as Tyson. Grief.


	5. Chapter 5

+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: There is every possibility of swearing, as you all know what I'm like, now. Also some unexpected (even for me) Hilary/Michael.

+ Disclaimer: Oh, hadn't you heard? I've bought Kai and Tala on eBay. I plan to film them.

+ A/N: I'm joking about buying Kai and Tala, by the way. In my dreams. Quite often, actually. Anyhoo, here I am, sat on my bed with my trusty cup of tea, about to write the next chapter. I swear to Buddha (because God really DOESN'T listen) that this chapter will NOT end up in italics! Enjoy and review :-P

--

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 5: Why Am I An Attraction For Gay Guys?!**

Tuesday 17th September 2007

6.45 in the am

Alarm's going off… Must… Smash…

Oh, wait, I can't. It's Emily's. As much as she loves me (I think), she would definitely kill me if I destroyed her alarm clock. And then she'd make me buy her a new one.

Well, maybe.

A minute later

She'll have to buy her own alarm clock, because she's the one who has just smashed it. Eek!

7.01 in the am

I find it ridiculous that girls get up at quarter to 7. What do they need that extra 15 minutes for?! I only get up at 7 because I need a full hour to wake up.

"Why do you get up at quarter to 7?" I asked Emily.

"Make-up and so on."

"But you don't wear any."

"I do. You just obviously don't pay enough attention."

She makes a good point. I just look at her, and think, "coorrrrr", and don't bother to see if she's wearing make-up. Now that she's mentioned it, I'll probably check all the time.

It was nice waking up next to her. After what can be described as a fantastic night. It did take me a while to get used to the snoring, though. Ah well, nobody's perfect. But, now that she's used my trouser snake, which is a very weird thing to say, does that mean we're a couple?

"Emily, are we a couple, now?"

"Hmm, I guess."

What?! So neither of us actually know if we're going out with each other?! Some relationship this is going to be, if we're both very confused.

7.35 in the am

I'm just wandering back to my own dorm. Just to see if Tyson ever made it in. Of course, before leaving Emily, I gave her a smacker of a kiss. Heh.

A minute later

No. He didn't make it back into the dorm. He's crashed out in front of the door on the floor. Obviously.

I kick him in the side, gently of course, and he stirs and blinks up at me in a very confused and stupid-looking way. I just raise my eyebrows at him.

"You crashed out here?"

"Yeah, man. Tala and Kai stole my dorm key, and wouldn't give it back, and then they locked themselves in their room. They still have the damn key!"

"Why did you phone me?"

"In the hope that you'd let me in."

"I wasn't here."

"I know. You were with Mariam."

"Emily, actually."

"Crikey, you have two on the go?!"

"NO I DO NOT!"

Sometimes, his stupidness amazes me.

"Well, anyway, just let me into our dorm!" Tyson whined. He had grabbed my leg. He was drooling. It's not a pretty sight.

So, to save my trousers from being covered in drool, I let him into our dorm, before walking up to Kai and Tala's door and banging on it.

Of course, there was no reply. They were probably too busy having sex in the shower or something. Ewww. Or they could just be sleeping. Either way, I want that bloody key back!

I kept on banging, and eventually I heard a key turning in the lock, before it stopped, and then I heard:

"Fuck, wrong key. KAI! WHERE'S MY KEY?!"

Err… I guess they really do have Tyson's key. And Tala just blatantly tried to unlock their door with it. What a dumbass. Of course, once Tala had shouted to Kai, Kai had started shouting back.

"I don't know where your fucking key is! What one have you got there?!"

"I don't know! It won't unlock the door!"

"It's Tyson's, then. Here, have my key for now!"

Dooooo hurry up. Oh, hip hip, bloody hooray. The door's finally opening!

"Oh, it's you, Max," a very tired-looking Tala said, peering through the door crack.

"Do you have Tyson's key?"

"No."

"That's a lie. I just heard Kai say it was Tyson's."

"Then what was the point of asking if we had it?"

"To be polite."

"I don't do politeness."

Tala can be so annoying.

"Don't do politeness? OK, then. Give me Tyson's fucking key, right now, you pair of twats!"

"No need to be so harsh, dude."

… I really will kill him in a minute.

Tala handed me Tyson's key through the door crack, but I didn't even bother saying 'thanks'. If he doesn't do politeness, then he won't get any. Mwahahaha.

A minute later

I wish Tyson would at least cover himself up when someone walks in the room!! People will start to think this is a free gigolo room or something, the way he walks around naked.

Brekkie-Brekkie-BREAKFAST!

Tyson hasn't lost his appetite. I was really hoping he'd lose it one day. But he hasn't. There's someone going round all the tables handing something out. Wonder what it is…?

2 minutes later

HOLY CRUD! It's the picture of Kai and Tala making out at the party last night!! Once those two see these… They will flip. They are not going to be happy.

A minute later

Talk of the devils. As soon as they walked in, every single head (except Tyson's - he doesn't seem that bothered) turned to look at them. Ray walked up to Kai and handed him a copy of the photo.

Kai looks furious. As does Tala. I am staying out of their way, even though I had nothing to do with it. I really don't want to face two homicidal and homosexual Russians. I would never win.

A minute later

Tala stormed out of the canteen, with Kai rushing after him. What did they expect, anyway? The way they were openly eating each other's faces last night sort of suggested that they wanted to be discovered. They had to come out of the closet sometime.

11.15 in the am

No sign of the happy Russian couple since the canteen this morning. Literally everyone is talking about them.

Tea

6.10 in the pm

WHY DO THEY CALL IT TEA?! WHYYYYY?!

Ahem. Still no sign of Kai and Tala. Tyson seems unnaturally happy about all of this. He's probably hoping that they'll give him tips. Oh, God. What an image.

Haven't seen Emily all day…. Maybe she's avoiding me?

OH MY GOD! WHAT IF SHE JUST USED ME FOR SEX?!

Thursday 19th September 2007

Midday

The reason I haven't seen Emily around much is because she's had about 5 different projects to do. So have I, but I never bother doing them…

Sitting outside. Couldn't be bothered with lunch today. I'm just not hungry. Maybe I'm love-sick? Christ. But what's even more surprising is that Tyson is sat with me. He said he wasn't hungry, either (!!).

Of course, I had to be an idiot and ask why.

"Well… Hilary's supposed to be going out with Michael, now."

"WHY do you CARE?! You're gay! You can have almost any guy you want! Well, gay guy, anyway. You shouldn't CARE who Hilary's with!"

Sometimes I amaze myself with my advice. It just spews from nowhere. Which normally isn't a nice thing to see.

Of course, Mr. I-Usually-Like-To-Stuff-My-Face-Until-I'm-Sick-But-Today-I-Don't-Want-To-Because-I'm-Too-Depressed didn't cheer up, and still looked down. I suggested we go for a walk. But nowhere near the river. I don't want Tyson attacking me like Tala did.

5 minutes later

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea going for a walk. We were walking around the gardens, when Tyson pulled me behind a tree. I thought a repeat of what happened with Tala was going to happen, but Tyson point over to a secluded area of the gardens, which was all in shade.

Who happened to be there? Hilary and Michael. Bloody typical. Tyson insisted we stay and watched them. Which I actually find quite perverted… But, whatever.

They were really going for it. It was hard to see which one ended and the other began. They just looked like they were eating each other! Ooooh dear. They've just moved it up a notch, and Hilary's put her hand in Michael's trousers. Of course, he's not protesting.

Not good, not good! Tyson's turning redder and redder with anger (I think, anyway), and Michael's just let his hand drift up Hilary's skirt. Which, by the way, have gotten shorter and shorter. She is such a tart.

I was about to say this to Tyson, when I discovered that he had actually ran off. Fan-bloody-tastic.

Half an hour later

After running around like a loon, and realising that I was going to miss the next lesson, I found Tyson all curled up on his bed in Room 101, I.e. our dorm.

"Tyson, come on. You need to forget her."

He didn't reply, but just shook his head.

"For God's, sake, Tyson! Who cares if she's with someone else?! Just be glad it's Michael, and not Kenny or someone!"

"Yeah, but…"

"No buts. You like someone else, right?" I hate having to be all mature and serious. For crying out loud, I'm Max Tate! I'm world-renown for my bounciness, happiness and immaturity! I am not known as a great advice-giver. I'd like it to stay that way!

"Yeah… I like someone," Tyson mumbled.

I will shoot him.

"Well, then! Just let Hilary get on with it! If you think about, she and Michael are made for each other!"

Tyson looked up at me.

"How do you figure that one out?"

"They're both tarts."

Tyson grinned at me and sat up.

"You're right. I'm just going to have to chase after the guy I like!"

"Exactly."

Thank Buddha he was smiling again. He was also giving me a very odd look. Before I knew what was happening, just like the situations with Tala and Hilary, I found myself attached to Tyson's lips!

WHY AM I AN ATTRACTION FOR GAY GUYS?!

Not that Hilary's gay. Or a guy.

Once Tyson pulled away, I frowned at him.

"Excuse me, but I happen to have a girlfriend. Well, I happen to be seeing a girl. And I am not gay. Would you mind explaining why you just attacked me with your lips?!"

"It was just a thank you," Tyson shrugged.

"Next time, just give me a hug or something," I rolled my eyes.

"OK," Tyson grinned. "Now, if you excuse me, I have to go and flirt outrageously with a certain Barthez Battalion blader."

I stared at him as he left. He seriously has the horn for Miguel!

The horn?

3.10 in the pm

Training + lots of guys in tight shorts + Tyson a big problem. Mainly in his own shorts.

See? I can do Maths!

Tyson is just wandering around, squeezing random bums. I told him that Hilary and Michael were tarts, and that he should just go after the person he likes. I did not tell him to turn into a tart as well.

A minute later

Oh dear. Tyson just squeezed Kai's bum. In front of Tala (yes, they've reappeared, and send anyone who dares to mention the photos to the medical ward). Squeezing Kai's bum itself will get you killed. But to do it in front of Tala… Well, I start getting everything ready for Tyson's funeral.

Anyway, he squeezed Kai's bum. Kai turned round and punched Tyson. Of course, Tala saw what happened, and once Tyson got back up, he punched the other side of Tyson's face.

Tyson is the stupidest idiot I have ever met.

8.09 in the pm

Do you know how funny Tyson looks with two ice packs strapped to his face?

Very funny. That's how much.

So funny, I just fell off my bed laughing.

Doorbell Rang

One minute later

Well, the doorbell would ring. If we had one. We got fed up of people knocking, so we've taped a horn to the side of the door, and you squeeze the black thing on the end of it, and it… Horns. We've also taped up two signs on our door. The one says "squeeze here for Tyson and Max", and the other one says "sound the horn if you're horny".

Very funny.

Anyway, I opened the door, and who should be standing there? Emily! Yay!! I gave her a quick kiss.

"What's up?" I did my very cool leaning-against-the door-frame-whilst-giving-Emily-sex-eyes pose.

"Nothing. Just thought I'd come and say goodnight to you," Emily smiled.

Awwwwwww how sweet!

"AREN'T YOU GOING TO INVITE HER IN SO I CAN WATCH YOU TWO HAVE HOT SEX?!" Tyson shouted from behind me.

I hate him. He will die.

Emily came in, picked up one of my folders and smacked Tyson over the top of the head.

"You are such a PERVERT, Tyson!" Emily said to him. "Anyway, night night, Maxie. I'll see you tomorrow."

She gave me a kiss, which I returned of course, and then left. Ooohhh boooo. I turned to Tyson.

"You. Are. A. Twat."

"Dude, your fucking girlfriend hit my over the head. Which, if you hadn't noticed, isn't in the best of shape already! I think I need another ice pack."

"The only reason it isn't in the best of shape is because you have no brain."

Hey, he can happily have mine. As it has a mind of it's own. Hahaha that's quite good actually…

"Anyway, night night, Maxie. I'll see you… OWW!"

Heh, you're gonna need yet another ice pack, Tyson… But not for your head.


	6. Chapter 6

+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Usual swearing, talk of manlove sexytime, and implied Max/Emily at the end. I very nearly put 'Max/Tala' which would be rather surprising.

+ Disclaimer: Yeah… I still own nothing. I don't own Shrek, either. If I did, I'd have to own Fiona. And Donkey. And the dragon. And somehow, I don't think they'd fit under my bed.

+ A/N: I have actually found out to stop everything getting underlined and all italicfied! There happens to be an 'edit' button when you upload the documents. Heh. I'm a retard. Enjoy and reviewwww! (Can I also just say, I am listening to 'Neverending Story' by Scooter, which is on their new album. I recommend their new album immensely). (I also apologise for this update not being as quick as the rest).

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 6: Bugger My Giddy Aunt!**

Friday 20th September 2007

7.01 in the am

Meh. Can't be bothered to get up. Do you think anyone will notice if I just, like, don't turn up? For anything? I mean, Tyson often gets away with, so why can't I? Talking of Tyson, he slept with the ice packs on his head, and an extra one on his groin where I kicked him last night. Only, the ice isn't ice anymore. It's melted.

Max is thinking evil thoughts. Heh, heh, heh.

2 minutes later

Successfully retrieved the packs of, erm, water without waking Tyson up. Which isn't that difficult, really. Anyway, I opened the top of one of the packs… And crept back up to him… And poured it all over his face! Mwahahaha!!

Whilst he was cursing and spluttering, I opened another one, and poured it all over his crotch! Result!! Mwahahaha!

"Max, you are a bastard."

"I know. But it woke you up, didn't it?"

"Yes. And now I am going back to sleep. Good day to you, sir."

Er, what?

Tyson had closed his eyes, and was obviously drifting off. I wasn't letting him go back to sleep that easy. I didn't bother opening the last pack of melted ice, also known as water, but just lobbed it at Tyson's head with a Michael-style throw. Not that I will mention the name 'Michael' to Tyson. He will flip.

"HELLO?! My head is still rather sore, y'know?!" Tyson shouted at me, throwing the pack back at me, but missing. By miles.

"Yeah, and? We have plans, so get up."

"We do?"

Well, actually, we don't. But I'm not letting him know that.

"Yes, we do."

"What are they?"

"You will find out, once you get up."

"Tell me now."

"Get up, and I'll tell you.

"Tell me now."

… I am getting nowhere.

"OK, we don't have plans. But just get up already!"

"Fine, fine. I need your help, anyway."

Oh, God.

"With what…?" I'm asking suspiciously, because Tyson often wants me to help with things I really don't want to help with. If you get my drift, and I think you do. Ish.

"Well, Miguel-"

"Stop right there, Tyson. I am not getting involved with your obsession with Miguel."

"It's not an obsession! It's LUUUURVE!"

Err…?

L'Anglais

Also Known As English

Why did I turn French? I don't know. Maybe because the French are lovely people. Ish. OK, Oliver's a bit weird… But other than him…

Tyson is kicking Tala's chair. He has been trying to get his and Kai's attention all class. Does he want another beating like yesterday? Which has left him all bruised and even more stupid-looking?

Apparently so, because just shot a piece of chewed up paper through a pea-shooter into Tala's hair.

Tala is not amused.

Medical Ward

I have had to carry this fat lump known as Tyson to the Medical Ward. Because Tala knocked him out stone cold. Tala has had to go to McFahrt's office.

The nurse-type woman said he should be OK. Tyson, not Tala.

Just waiting for him to wake up now.

A few minutes later

Still waiting for him to wake up.

Half an hour later

Stiilllllll waiting for him to wake up…

Y'know, I don't think he's actually unconscious anymore. I can see his eyelids twitching. He's just faking it!

"Tyson, I think we've skived long enough. You can 'wake up' now."

"Awesome."

I knew it!

2.10 in the pm

For some bizarre reason that escapes me, this afternoon's classes have been cancelled, because the teachers are doing an afternoon strike. What for? I don't know…

Anyway, to cure Tyson's boredom, we are following Kai and Tala everywhere.

And I do mean everywhere.

Tyson even insisted we followed them to the toilet. But I drew the line at having to go in the cubicles with them.

So, here we are, following them around like a couple of sheep. Tala's clearly getting pissed. Well, so is Kai, but Tala shows it more. He still hasn't forgiven Tyson for pea-shooting a chewed-up piece of paper into his hair. And he has detention for a week.

Two minutes later

Tyson definitely has a death wish. He is asking Kai and Tala questions about their sex life.

"So, which one of you goes uke? Or do you alternate? Like, one night, Kai will get pounded into like there's no tomorrow, and then the next night it's Tala?"

Five minutes later

Had to take Tyson back up to the Medical Ward. He practically lives there. After Tyson asked them the "which of you goes uke?" question, Kai really did knock him out. The nurse-type-person says he may wake up in a few hours, and that he should stop getting hit, because he'll end up with brain damage.

To be honest, I don't think he has a brain.

3.00 in the pm

Just bumped into Emily. She looks all lost and confused.

"I'm all lost and confused," she said.

"It's all that homework you've been doing," I said.

"I know."

I gave her a kiss and a hug, and she cheered up a little. She's apparently feeling down because she still has a load of projects to do. Well, so do I… But it doesn't get me down…

"I'll tell you what, why don't we go out tonight? Just for a couple of hours?" I said.

She looked at me as though I'd turned into Shrek.

"Is that a no?" I asked nervously.

… Still looking at me as though I'd turned into Shrek.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" she asked.

"No, I'm asking the invisible person next to you," I replied, rolling my eyes. God, I didn't know she could be so dim! "Of course I'm asking you out on a date!"

Her mouth just split into the biggest grin I've seen her wear. She looks incredibly happy.

"Ok! Definitely! What time are we meeting and where are we going?"

"Well… I heard there's a nice little night-café in town. We could go there, and then go for a bit of a walk by the river or something?" Blimey, Maxie, that almost sounds romantic.

"OK, but what time shall we meet?" Emily asked, with the big grin still on her face.

"Erm… About 6pm?"

"Sure. I'll see you then. I must go and get ready," Emily agreed, and she gave me a kiss, before skipping (?) off.

"Why is it going to take you 3 hours to get ready?!" I shouted after her, but she just waved, and carried on skipping.

6.01 in the pm

She is late. By one minute. Also, we never actually decided WHERE to meet, so I am stood outside her door. Well, I'm pressed right against her door, so when she opens it, she will walk right into me, and then I can grab her.

A good idea, no?

No.

Right, then.

6.15 in the pm

She is very late. I've decided to knock on the door. Mariah opens it.

"Yeeeessss?"

"Er, is Emily there?"

"She is."

"… What's she doing?"

"Stuff."

"Mariah, would you just let me in?!"

"Nope."

I don't know how Ray can put up with her. I seriously don't.

"Is she ready to go out?"

"Almost."

"Mariah, you are not being very helpful."

"I know. The last time I tried to help a guy out, who happened to be Ray, we ended up having sex."

Tooooooo much information!

"Just… Tell her to hurry up, OK?"

"You can't rush getting ready, Max."

"SHE'S HAD THREE HOURS!"

"Chill, Maxie, I'm ready now," Emily said to me, appearing at the door.

"Finally," I frowned. C'mon, I don't need 3 hours to get ready, and I wasn't late!

Emily hugged Mariah and they said goodbye to each other. I took Emily's hand, and we FINALLY set off for our date!! I could see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, so I pouted a bit.

"What's the matter?"

"Well, first, we never decided where to actually meet. Then I turn up at your door, ready to surprise you when you opened it, but then you were 15 minutes late because you were getting ready, yet you've had all afternoon to get ready."

Honesty is always the best policy. Well, in most cases. Never be honest to Tala about his hair on a bad day and say it's crap. You'd die.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Let's just enjoy ourselves, OK?"

"Oui, hai, yah, si, yes, yuppers, yeah, indeed. Let's enjoy ourselves."

"You make me laugh."

Great. I make her laugh. That is a good thing, but I'd prefer it if she'd said something like "you make me laugh, you big, horny, manly sex God". But I don't think she'll be saying anything like that soon.

In Town

Or, to be more precise, the café

Bugger my giddy Aunt! I've just realised that I am on my first ever date.

God, I can be so slow.

Anyway, we've arrived at this nice little night-café, and it's so cute. There are little booths, and they have candles in them, and little menus, and spoons, and salt cellars, and… Ahem. Yes.

We've ordered a cup of tea each, and jacket potatoes with cheese and baked beans. Very English. Emily's still looking through the menu.

"Did you want a dessert after, too?" I asked.

"No, not really. I'm just looking at what else they do."

I'm a bit miffed, because the bloody menu is getting more attention that me! Hellooooo! My date! Not the menu's!!

The waitress has brought over our teas, and told us that the food will be a little while longer. I nod at her, and Emily just 'hmm's, still looking at the damn menu.

"Y'know, Emily, I'm over here."

She looks up from that stupid piece of paper with an apologetic look.

"Sorry, Max. I guess I was just so intrigued by the menu."

I hate that menu. It will die.

"It's OK. Just, no more looking at it, OK?" I smile at her, and when she looks away to the counter, I death glare the menu.

Once our jacketed spuds arrived, I tried to keep my manners, and not wolf the thing down whole like I usually do. Then I realised it was pointless trying to keep good manners whilst eating with Emily, because she practically inhaled her food.

At least she wasn't looking at the menu.

Walking down by the river

7.45 in the pm

When we finished the meal, Emily had whipped out her purse. But I shoved it back in her bag. I wouldn't let her pay.

Anyway, here we are, walking along by the river. It's a bit nippy out, tonight, so I have my arm around Emily's shoulders, because she was shivering. Bless her.

"Maxie?"

"Yuppers?"

"… Nothing."

"… OK. You just wanted to hear my nice manly, beefy voice, didn't you?"

"Er… Yeah. That's what it was."

She can be so convincing.

Oooooh nooooooo. There's that spot where me and Tala… Well. Yeah. There's that spot! I will direct Emily away from it. There we go, now we're walking up the back field of the school grounds. Fabulous. We're heading back. It means this date is over. Ooooh noooo.

Outside my door

We are only outside my door, because it's on the way to Emily's door. I'm all sad, and so is she. We both clearly don't want the date to end.

"Well… I guess I'll see you around tomorrow?" she asked, pouting.

"Yeah, I guess so," I replied.

"It's a shame, I didn't want tonight to end," she said.

She gave me a kiss, and went to walk away, but I grabbed her. I suddenly wanted her in my bed.

"Y'know what?" I said, pulling her through the door and closing it. "This night is far from over."

* * *

A/N: TA-DA!! I hope you enjoyed. And, y'know… Reviews would be nice. Hint hint, nudge nudge, wink wink.


	7. Chapter 7

+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Manlove, Lee wearing a mankini, a couple walking in on another couple mid-lemon, and a rather horny Max. Oo-er.

+ Disclaimer: Still not mine. Neither is 'They're Coming To Take Me Away'.

+ A/N: Thank you to all that has reviewed the past 6 chapters, and guess what? We're over halfway through this story now :-O Enjoy!

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 7: They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha Ha!**

Saturday 21st September '07

8.15 in the am

Mmmneeehhhh. There's something incredibly warm, and naked lying next to me. Oh, yeah! It's Emily!! Ahh yes, the memories of last night are flooding back to me.

But, now that I think about it, I can't remember if Tyson ever came back to the room… Hmm… I've just looked over at his bed, and he's not in it. So, I presume that's a no, because he sure as Hell won't have gotten out of bed on Saturday morning before 8.15am.

8.30 in the am

Both me and Emily are up, dressed, and walking down to the cafeteria, in the hope that there's still some food left. There does happen to be something inedible left, and there also happens to be a very happy-looking Tyson sat on his onesy at a table. Sooo, we go to join him.

"What are you looking so happy about?" I asked him, as me and Emily sat down.

"And how come you're up so early?" Emily added.

"I am happy, because I got laid last night. I am up early, because the person who screwed me senselessly last night made sure I got up to get something to eat," Tyson grinned.

This is scary.

"Well, we got laid last night, but we're not grinning like the joker out of Batman," Emily said.

"You both got laid?" Tyson asked. "Awesome. By who?"

My God is he dumb.

"Oh, y'know, Tyson. Just each other. So… Who were you with last night then?" I asked.

All of a sudden, Tyson's eyes glazed over, and he sighed and rested his elbow on the table, and his chin on his hand.

"Miguel," he said dreamily.

Oh dear.

"I didn't know he was gay!" Emily exclaimed in shock.

"Oh, he is. And damn is he GOOD," Tyson replied, grinning manically again.

"Sooo… Are you together?" I asked.

"Yup. Most definitely. After last night, it'd be wrong not to be going out."

"I hope you used protection, Tyson," someone said. And it wasn't me or Emily.

"Chief!" Tyson said, turning around, and facing the chief, eyes to… Glasses. He really hasn't grown.

"And I hope you know that the risk of catching a disease is higher with gay couples?" the Chief went on. "A disease like HIV or something."

"Chief, will you stop worrying. I can take care of myself. And where's the proof that there's more of a chance catching it if you're gay?!"

"Well, for one thing, gay couples go up the anal passage!"

"Oh, THANK YOU, so much! I am TRYING to eat here, and you're talking about anal passages!" I say in annoyance. Jesus, do they really have to talk about this in the canteen?

"I said don't worry Chief. I won't be catching a disease, because I'm the one that gets pounded into."

For Christ's sake. This food might not be edible, and it might taste like crap, but I am hungry, and I do want to eat without having to talk about manlove. Emily's so disgusted by it, that she's said goodbye to me and gone.

"But still. Say Miguel wanted a change, and he wanted to be uke…"

I've had enough. I've left them to it. I do not want to hear about that whilst I'm eating.

9.15 in the am

We're supposed to be doing practice battles today… But I can't be bothered. Instead, here I am, sat in the gardens, watching the pretty butterflies go past. Of course, there is Brooklyn, too, lay over in the grass, swamped with butterflies.

"Max?"

Ooohhh, Mariam's come to join me. That's odd, she hasn't talked to me in aaaages.

"Hey," she says. She looks kinda sad. And embarrassed at the same time.

"Howdy," I reply.

… Is she not going to say anything else?

"What's the matter?" I ask her.

"Oh… Erm… Nothing, really. I hear you're going out with Emily?"

Er, why did she just suddenly change the topic to that?

"Yeah, I am." Well, there's no point in denying the truth.

"Are you happy with her?"

What sort of question is that?! If my Max Senses are correct, I hear jealousy in Mariam's voice.

"I guess so."

Mariam really does look down. She looks even more down now that I've said I'm happy with Emily. Hmmm…

"Well, I guess I'll see you around, Max," she said to me, and got up and left.

What, in the name of Tyson's smelly toilet, was that about?!

Midday

I have somehow accidentally managed to get a load of bladers down by the river. We are all in our swimwear, but none of us have actually got in the water yet. We're waiting for Tyson to arrive so we can push him in and see if it's safe.

Hey, I said I was gonna do it, and I am!

12.15 in the pm

Tyson has arrived in the tiniest Speedos known to man. It is a sign of his gayness. Anyway, now that he's arrived, Kai and Tala happily pushed him in before he'd even got to say 'hello', and he hasn't drowned but he is shouting obscenities at Kai and Tala.

My point being, it is safe in the river. So we (me, Emily, Kai, Tala, Ray, Mariah, Lee - who is wearing a mankini-, Chief and Miguel) have all jumped in to join Tyson.

Half an hour later

We are still in the river, and some more people have come to join us. Lee's mankini has already been discarded, and is now bobbing at the edge of the river. He is now completely naked, swimming around. There is something seriously wrong with that dude.

I'm amazed that Kai and Tala are still here with us. Hell, I'm amazed that they agreed to come down in the first place. I think they just wanted to shove Tyson into the river.

Talking of Tyson, he is having a competition with Miguel and Ray to see who can hold their breath underwater the longest. Ray keeps winning, but Tyson keeps demanding rematches.

1.30 in the pm

We have all retreated back up to the school extremely wet. As none of us actually remember to bring towels. Anyhoo, we're going back up to the school in the hope that the canteen ladies still have some food.

1.35 in the pm

The canteen ladies do have some food left, but they're not happy that we're all wet.

We're all having a sing song at the moment.

"THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY HA HA, THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY HO HO, HEE HEE, HA HA."

McFahrt just walked past the canteen, looked in, raised her eyebrows, shook her head, and walked off.

10.01 in the pm

So, after we all ate earlier, we returned to the river (minus Kai and Tala), where we had discovered that Lee had left his mankini down there. He had wandered around the school completely naked.

Tea (WHYYY?!) wasn't very interesting.

And now, here I am, sat on my bed, watching Tyson. What is Tyson doing that is so interesting, you ask? Absolutely nothing. He is just lay on his bed, watching the ceiling, and pointing one of his hands like a gun and going "pew, pew, pew!".

It isn't normal.

One minute later

I am sooooo bored!

One minute later

Zzzzzzz…

Sunday 22nd September '07

9.03 in the am

Boredom, boredom, boredom!

10.03 in the am

Still boredom!

11.03 in the am

I was dying of boredom, and horniness, so I decided to call on Emily. Who wasn't in her room. Soooo… I am now wandering around, trying to find her. She might be using the school computers. But then again, why would she if she has her own laptop?

Computer room

11.15 in the am

Found her. She really was using the school computers. Well, she was using three of them. Don't ask me why. I do not know.

"Hey, Maxie," she said, not even looking up.

"Howdy. How did you know it was me?"

"Recognised you by your belt."

"My belt?"

"Yup."

… That is a random way of recognising someone.

"I'm bored, and thought you could help me out," I said.

"Do some homework?"

"No, I said I wanted help, not killing. Let me rephrase, anyway. I'm bored and HORNY and thought you could help me out."

"That, I can help with. Let me just shut down these computers," she said with a wink.

Is it just me, or have I become rather pervert-like? Maybe I'm addicted to sex? That can happen, y'know!

Anyway, she shut down her computers, and we walked out. Emily's suggested we use an empty classroom, for a bit more of a thrill. I'm game to that. The thought of possibly getting caught by someone excites me greatly.

11.30 in the am

We have just stopped outside an unused classroom. Emily pushed open the door a crack, and then we heard it.

Moaning.

And groaning.

And:

"Oh, God, Tala."

NOOOO! We have just stumbled upon Kai and Tala having sex! Dammit!

A minute later

I've tried whispering frantically to Emily to close the door, and we'll leave to find another room. But she refuses.

"No, let's stay and watch them. This is really hot."

Great.

A minute later

I don't know what made me agree to watch them with her. We are now bent down, staring through the crack of the door, watching Tala and Kai having sexytime. I must admit, it is quite hot. But not something I'd watch full-time.

Anyway, there they are. Tala has Kai all sprawled out on a table, and Kai has his legs wrapped around Tala's hips, helping him go deeper when he thrusts. This really is hot.

"T-Tala… I-I… N-need…" we heard Kai moan.

Tala seemed to know what Kai wanted, and he wrapped his hand around Kai's erection, pumping in time to his thrusts. I looked sideways at Emily, who had turned slightly pink, but seemed to be enjoying the show. We are such perverts.

With a final cry of Tala's name, Kai came all over his stomach and Tala's hand. Tala obviously came shortly afterwards, because he groaned and stopped moving.

Then… They both turned at looked… At us.

Oh, god.

10 minutes later

After a good telling off by Kai and Tala, me and Emily wandered off to find another room to have our own sexytime in.

And we found one.

Tuesday 24th September '07

9.15 in the am

La la la la la laaaa la la. I am skipping off to Maths. Very late, of course. I'll just blame my lateness on Tyson.

Two minutes later

Just bumped into Emily. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, but she looks all sad and distracted. She's also out of class. Something must be seriously wrong.

"What's the matter?" I ask her.

"Max… I have something to tell you," she mumbled back.

Oh God.

* * *

A/N: Ooooooh, what does Emily have to tell Max?! We shall find out in chapter 8. Once I write it XD Also, you should listen to the song 'They're Coming To Take Me Away'. You'll love it. It's by Neuroticfish. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chappy, and I hope you enjoy reviewing even more :-D


	8. Chapter 8

+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Err… A really unhappy Max? Oh, and some swearing from Tyson.

+ Disclaimer: Not mine. And the word 'disclaimer' just took me 3 attempts to spell. Christ. I also own nothing by Eddie Izzard.

+ A/N: I can't remember the last time I updated this story, but I know it wasn't _too_ long ago. Something like a week ago XD There are some Eddie Izzard jokes in here, because that man is genius. Go look him up on Youtube. Now, enjoy!

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 8: Ahhhh! I'm Covered In Bees!**

Tuesday 24th September '07 continued

4.15 in the pm

I am walking as lonely as a lonely person. On my own. All by my onesy. With no one with me.

A minute later

Still walking all on my tod. Y'know… I thought Emily was going to tell me she was pregnant or something. I might have been alright with that. Well… No… But better than I am now.

She dumped me.

Claiming I wasn't 'manly' enough for her.

A minute later

I mean, how manly do I have to be? Shall I grow some more brains? Or even better, shall I grow a beard?! But, no. She's ditched me with that pathetic excuse. And now I am lost and confused and walking around like a complete moron.

Yet another minute later

Why is it, when you want time to go so quickly that you end up at your deathbed within 5 seconds, time actually goes super slowly.

I was actually going to ask Emily if she wanted to go out tonight again. But, no. She had to go and dump me. Like the cow she is.

Sitting on a bench

4.30 in the pm

I didn't go to any of the classes today. Do you blame me?

No, I didn't think so.

Oh, look. I'm no longer all by my onesy. Mariam's come to join me.

"Max, are you OK?"

"Does it look like I'm OK?"

Why is she always around recently?

"Yeah… That was a stupid question. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"So… Erm… I hear you broke up with Emily?"

Wow, news really does travel fast.

"Well, actually it was the other way round. She broke up with me."

"Why? If you don't mind me asking."

"She said I wasn't _manly_ enough for her."

"Oh."

Oooohhh a big silence. I can't stand the silences anymore. They suck. Just like life. And Tala.

Tea

I am so depressed, that I can't even be bothered to ask "why?!"

I can see Emily over the other side of the canteen, joking around with Eddie, Michael and Hilary. Not that I'm trying to see her. I'm glad she's so happy without me. Proves she was just using me for sex. Cow.

Room 101, a.k.a. Our Dorm

Tyson is trying to cheer me up with stupid jokes. Eddie Izzard jokes. If I wasn't so depressed, I would laugh at them. Because it has to be said, that Eddie Izzard is a very funny man.

"You see squirrels, and they'll just be eating their nuts," this is where Tyson is doing an impression of a squirrel, "and then they'll look round as if to say 'did I leave the gas on? No! Look, I'm a fucking squirrel!'"

I didn't even react.

"But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog is saying, "Who are you to judge me? You human beings who've had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!" "Well, if you put it that way, I think you've got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.""

Oh, God.

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)."

Help me.

"'Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that."Cake or death?""Eh, cake please.""Very well! Give him cake!""Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice.""You! Cake or death?""'Uh, cake for me, too, please.""Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?""Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry...""You said death first, uh-uh, death first!""Well, I meant cake!""Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England! Cake or death?""

… Yes, he did just say all that to himself.

"I am an evil giraffe, and I shall eat more leaves from this tree than perhaps I should, so that other giraffes may die."

Will he please stop?

"You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants."

Apparently not.

15 minutes later

"I didn't do it. I was dead at the time."

Yes. He is still going on and on.

"AHHH! I'm covered in bees!!"

"Tyson, will you just shut the Hell up?!"

He just looks at me.

"Dude, I'm trying to cheer you up. Come on, I broke up with Miguel, and I'm not depressed."

"You broke up with Miguel?"

"Yeah. I was just using him for sex, really."

"That's harsh, dude."

"I know. Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you-"

"NO."

"You didn't let me finish!"

"Because I know what you were going to say!"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. You were going to say 'why don't you try being gay' or something stupid."

Tyson has just gone strangely quiet. It's because I'm right, and we both know it.

"Well… You might enjoy it," Tyson said.

"No. I won't so shut up. Good night to you, sir."

Thursday 26th September '07

10.00 in the am

Tyson asked Brooklyn out this morning. Everyone was surprised, because he's only just broken up with Miguel. Who, by the way, was very upset when Tyson declared his new-found love for Brooklyn.

Also, why is it that most of the male bladers are gay now?

Lunch

12.15 in the pm

Sitting with Mariam. I don't know why, but she is just everywhere, and seems to keep asking me if I'm OK, and just generally sitting with me. Why can't I be depressed in peace? If I don't have Tyson quoting Eddie Izzard at me, I have Mariam asking me if I'm OK every 5 bloody minutes.

9.20 in the pm

Tyson tried getting me to go running around with him again playing jokes on people. But I wasn't in the mood.

These past few days have been spectacularly crap and boring

Friday 27th September '07

I'm skipping my classes again, and I've gone for a walk. This is how depressed I am. All over a stupid girl.

Oh, look a police officer.

"Excuse me, son, but shouldn't you-"

"IT WASN'T ME! I WAS DEAD AT THE TIME!" Oh, shit. I just quoted Eddie Izzard at him.

* * *

A/N: This is a really short chapter, but I didn't have much planned for it. The next chapter SHOULD be longer. Hopefully. I have a lemon planned for it, anyway. Well, half a lemon. Reviews would be nice, but do I deserve them for this pitiful excuse for a chapter? :-P


	9. Chapter 9

+ WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Suicidal Max, swearing, and very bad commentary on a manlove lemon.

+ Disclaimer: Still not mine.

+ A/N: Holy fuck! I got so many reviews last chapter :-O And it was the shortest chapter I'd done! When I opened my emails, I was like "WTF!", so THANK YOU and ENJOY this chapter!

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 9: Hey! You In The Truck!**

Friday 27th September '07 continued

Midday

I managed to escape the police officer in the end. He only wanted to ask me if I should be in school or not. I told him no. Because they are all covered in bees up there. He just gave me a funny look, told me to go home, and walked off. Well, cycled. As he was on a bicycle. Is that how the police get around these days? Bikes? Somehow, I see that failing when they're trying to chase after a stolen truck.

"HEY! YOU IN THE TRUCK! Huff, huff. STOP WHERE YOU… Huff, huff… ARE IN THE NAME OF… Huff, huff… Oh, bugger this."

See? You can't say that really works.

Anyway, if I could go home to America or Japan, then I would. But, no. I am stuck here in England. With every other blader I've ever known my little life, and a stupid now ex-girlfriend, who thinks I'm not manly enough for her.

Stupid cow.

1.30 in the pm

Stood at the bridge. I'm thinking about jumping, but that would require scaling up the little wall, and then springing off it.

And I can't be doing with that.

Requires too much energy.

So, all in all, I am too lazy and depressed to even commit suicide.

5 minutes later

Did you know Mariam's been following me?

No, me neither.

But she has, and she has announced her presence by shouting, "DON'T JUMP!" She needn't have bothered shouting that, because I'm too lazy to jump off anyway. She has attracted the attention of every passer-by, though, and now they are all staring at us as I raise my eyebrows at her. Nosey fuckers.

Also, have you noticed how my bad language use has increased? This is what you get when you hang around the likes of Tyson and Kai.

5 minutes later

"I wasn't going to jump."

"It looked like you were going to jump."

"Well, I wasn't. I'm too lazy and depressed to be bothered to move."

"You're moving your lips."

"They don't count. They're covered in bees."

SHUT UP, BRAIN.

"Er, what?"

"Just… Really don't ask."

2.00 in the pm

Walking around town with Mariam. I have just noticed that she must be skiving off her lessons, too, in order to be here with me. How nice of her.

But whhyyyy is she here?

"Why are you here?"

"You looked depressed, so I decided to follow you to make sure you're OK and not going to do anything stupid."

Oh.

"Oh," I said.

"Yeah. So, are you coming back up to the school, or are you just going to wander around town some more?"

"Wander around, I suppose."

"Mind if I stay with you?"

"What? Just so you can make sure I'm not going to top myself?"

"Exactly."

"No, I don't mind."

2.30 in the pm

I'm getting burnt. In September. How bizarre. Anyway, because I am slowly frying to death (hey, new way to die without too much effort!), I have suggested to Mariam (who has been talking non-stop) that we go back up to the school.

I don't know if this was a good idea, because as we just casually wandered in through the front gates, Emily was there. Watching us. With the biggest dirtiest look I have seen upon that face of hers. I don't know why she's so pissed with the fact I'm hanging out with Mariam, but she clearly is.

Maybe if she didn't DUMP me, then I wouldn't BE hanging around with Mariam. Stupid cow.

Back at the door of room 101

Mariam has now gone. After raising her eyebrows at the horn we have taped to our door. Someone's drawn eyes on it. Madness.

A minute later

Kind of wishing I hadn't walked back into my dorm.

As Tyson and Brooklyn are totally having sexytime.

A minute later

The only reason I am still in here, is because it is my dorm, and therefore I have the right to be in here as much as I want.

Also, it's because Tyson wanted me to film him with Brooklyn.

A minute later

I am totally filming porn! Oh my God, I've totally found out what I could do with my career! I could film porn! I could set up my own porn store, and website, and… Ahem.

Do you want a blow-by-blow (quite literally) account of what they're doing?

No?

You're going to get one anyway. And you knew you were. Admit it.

So there they are… On the bed… Doing stuff. What stuff you ask? Well, currently, Tyson is giving Brooklyn a blowy. And please tell me you know what a blowy is. Because I am not explaining it right now.

Oh, yep… Finished giving the blowy… And now Tyson has decided to go and sit on Brooklyn.

I am going to stop here. I feel quite ill. I've left the room, but left the camera running for them.

6.00 in the pm

Tyson (and Brooklyn, naturally) have kindly joined me in the canteen for 'tea'. I'm surprised they stop having sex long enough to eat. Unless they have sex and eat at the same time.

… Really quite wishing I hadn't let that thought into my head.

I can see Emily watching me out of the corner of her eye from the other side of the room. Watch me all you like Mrs-I-Like-To-Dump-People-And-Then-Stare-At-Them.

Monday 30th September '07

11.00 in the pm

Not a very interesting weekend. Hence why I didn't write anything.

Tyson did buy a pet hamster today, though.

Funny, because I could've sworn that I'd read we weren't allowed to have pets. I think it was in the little rulebook everyone got a few days before arriving here.

Of course, every single rule in that book has been broken. I must find it and have a good laugh at it.

Wednesday 2nd October '07

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to the author of this story, happy birthday to you!

Thursday 3rd October '07

9.30 in the am

The teachers have gone on strike. Again. Something about they "don't get paid enough to deal with little rule-breaking, party-going famous beyblading brats". That's nice.

I'm currently sat in Room 101 watching Tyson try to find Bibbet.

Bibbet is his bloody hamster, by the way.

The reason Tyson is trying to find it, is because he lost the damn thing. Obviously. Tyson had the hamster on his lap. Whilst he was sat on the floor. Then I threw a grape at him (Tyson), and of course, Tyson's 'food radar' kicked in, and he turned his attention to eating the grape, and in that split second, he lost the hamster.

What a dumbass.

5 minutes later

I've walked out of Room 101, and am now sitting in the gardens. Nice October sun, y'know? Can't beat it.

Also, I could not stand hearing Tyson go "here, Bibbet, Bibbet" any longer. I was losing any sanity that I had left.

I have also gotten over Emily. There are many nicer girls out there than her. I can't waste my life brooding about being dumped by someone like her.

A minute later

Fucking talk of the devil. She has just rudely sat down beside me. Not said 'hello', or asked if she could join me or anything. Bloody rudeness of it all.

"I have something to ask you," she said.

"Yes, I am gay. And yes, me and Tyson are having much more fun sexytime than I ever had with you," I said sarcastically.

"Very funny, Maxie…"

"Don't call me Maxie," I scowled. I bloody hate that nickname, now.

"Can I still ask you what I was going to ask you?"

"Go ahead. But don't expect to get an answer."

"Can I have another chance?"

"Another chance at what?" Maybe I'm being dim, but she just rolled her eyes at me!

"Me and you. Another chance at what we had."

Is she being serious?!

"Are you being serious?!"

"Yeah."

Well… This is going to be a hard decision… Note the sarcasm.

"No, you can not have another chance with me. You dumped me saying I wasn't 'manly' enough for you. I don't appear to have changed, and I definitely haven't grown a beard, so how have you decided that you want another chance?"

"Because I think I can make it work."

"Well I don't think it would work. So, no. You can not have another chance. Cie la vie, goodbye, pip pip, toodles, ciao, zai chian, and bonjour. No, I don't mean that. Au revoir. Sorry, Emily, but you can't have another chance."

And so I walk off with my head held high.

A minute later

Shame I wasn't looking where I was going. I just walked into a bloody tree. How did that get there?!

* * *

A/N: Well, it's _slightly_ longer than the last chapter. And the lemon didn't turn out to be a lemon XD But you get the general idea. Hopefully, the next update will be quicker XD I kind of had a batch patch (life-wise), which is why all updates were put on hold. But everything's good again, so I'm ready to roll!! :)

Oh the bit with the 2nd October… Well, the 2nd October is actually my birthday, so when I got to that date in the story, I thought "ha, let's put a birthday tribute to myself. Even though it's July". LOL XD

Oh, can you please go and READ MARIANQ'S STORIES. They are really good, and she's had a lack of reads and reviews. I promised her I'd give someone mentions of her :)

Cheerio!


	10. Chapter 10

+ WARNINGS: Tyson/Brooklyn situations, but nothing hardcore. Erm… Swearing? I think that's about it 0o

+ Disclaimer: … I have nothing to say… For they are all MINE! MWAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha! Ahem.

+ A/N: I love how these chapters are getting pretty well-received now. It makes me happy :) Anyhoo, onwards and upwards with the next chapter, and thanks for all your reviews last time. Enjoy!

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 10: Honking It Like There's No Tomorrow**

Saturday 5th October '07

5.30 in the am

Do you know WHY I am awake at 5.30 in the morning on a Saturday?

No?

Tyson and bloody Brooklyn.

At it.

Again.

A minute later

"Dude, can you film us again?"

"Not a chance, Tyson. I really want to sleep right now."

"Sleep? You won't be able to sleep with us making a noise."

I hate him.

A minute later

Why are they so LOUD? Jesus Christ, surely they can be just a tad quieter during their sexytime? But no. I swear they're just being loud to piss me off. Why can't they just bugger off to Brooklyn's room?

Oh, yeah. Garland doesn't appreciate any sexytime happening in his room. Not even himself with someone. Maybe he's asexual?

5 minutes later

I officially had enough of them, and so I have kicked them both out of the room. Butt-naked. Mwahahaha.

30 seconds later (no, not 'To Mars' hahaha)

I would like to point out that it was them butt-naked and being kicked out of the room. Not me butt-naked kicking them out of the room.

A minute later

They are banging on the door, shouting and begging me to let them back in. Not a chance, mon amigos. You had no consideration when you were having sexytime and I was trying to sleep, and so therefore you is being punished.

A particularly loud thud just snapped me out of my evil laughing. I open the door just enough to see their pissed-off faces looking at me.

"Yeeeees?" I said.

"Let us in," Tyson said.

"Sorry, Max isn't home right now. Please come back and honk the horn later. Goodbye." I shut the door again, laughing my head off.

5 seconds later

Really wishing I hadn't mentioned honking the horn. Because now Tyson is honking it like there's no tomorrow. And I don't say that every day.

5.45 in the am

Tyson is still honking the horn, Brooklyn is hammering on the door… And who's that? Oh, good. Tala has wandered into the corridor outside and is now shouting at Tyson. Who is still honking that bloody horn. Oh, and now Kai is hammering on the wall in between our rooms.

Between them, they are going to wake the whole bloody school up.

6.00 in the am

They're still going at it. Oo-er. Except, Kai has stopped hammering on the wall, and has also walked out into the corridor and is shouting at Brooklyn by the sounds of things. Tala is still shouting at Tyson, who is still honking the horn.

I cannot stop laughing. It's too funny.

6.10 in the am

Uh oh. All the noise has woken up the entire corridor, and someone went to fetch Mrs McFahrt.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU BOYS ARE DOING? AND WHY ARE YOU TWO NAKED?!"

Hahaha, I'd forgotten Tyson and Brooklyn were still naked. That will take some explaining. Actually… That'll also lead to the fact that they're only out there making a noise in the first place because I locked them out of the room.

Ah.

Maybe if I just pretend that I went back to sleep as soon as they were locked out…

Oh, yeah right. Like anyone would be able to sleep through that. Even everyone else was woken up, so how the Hell would I pretend that I was asleep even though it was all happening outside my door?

5 seconds later

I'm just a very heavy sleeper.

5 seconds later

Even that wouldn't work. Because then I'd have to explain why I'd gotten woken up by their sexytime if I'm a heavy sleeper.

Bloody Hell.

A minute later

I can hear Mrs McFahrt arguing with Tala and Kai. While they're arguing, I could escape through the window.

30 seconds later

No, that wouldn't work.

1) We're on the second floor, so I'd surely die from impact.

2) How would that explain Tyson and Brooklyn being naked in the corridor, and locked out of the room? With the room being locked from the inside?

3) The window has bars on, anyway. I think to stop anyone getting out/in. Again, we're on the second floor, so why would we need bars?

A minute later

I'm just going to have to grab my balls (not literally) and walk out of the room and explain that it was all Tyson's and Brooklyn's fault. Well, if I don't walk out any time soon, Mrs McFahrt will break the door down, as she's knocking on it so hard.

"MAX TATE! WILL YOU GET YOUR PESKY LITTLE ARSE OUT HERE NOW!"

Personally, I don't think that's any way to talk to students.

6.20 in the am

So. Here we all are. Me, Kai, Tala, Tyson and Brooklyn (both still naked), and Mrs McFahrt, all stood out in the corridor. Watching each other. Eyes darting back and forth. Daring each other to make up a stupid excuse.

"Well…" I began. "What happened was…"

"Shut your mouth, Tate. We really don't want to know," Tala snapped.

"I do want an explanation, boys," Mrs McFahrt said.

"Do we need to explain why we're naked?" Tyson asked.

"No," McFahrt replied.

"Good. Can we go and put some clothes on, now?" Tyson asked.

"You're not going anywhere until I know why you were all out here making the biggest racket I've ever known," McFahrt said.

"In my defence, I wasn't out here making a noise," I said.

"No, but if you hadn't locked these two," McFahrt said, pointing to Brooklyn and Tyson, "out of the room, then no one would have been making a noise."

"Oh, so it's all MY fault?!" I said, frowning.

"Damn right it is," Tyson said.

"Max, please explain why everyone is out in the corridor," McFahrt said to me.

Oh God. I just knew the entire story was going to burst out of me.

"Well, first it was like, 5.30 in the am, and I was like 'groan', because I heard Tyson and Brooklyn going 'groan, oooh more, and yes, yes, yes!'. So then I was like 'stop having sex please', but then Tyson was like 'er, no'. So then I was like 'er, yes', and then Tyson goes 'can you film us again, please?' So I was like 'er, no. Stop having sexytime now, please'. But they didn't, they just carried on. So I got annoyed and threw them out naked. As in, I wasn't naked throwing them out, but the were naked being thrown out. I mean look at them. Anyway, so then they were like 'RAWWWR' and they were shouting through the door saying 'please let us back in', but I was like 'NOOOO, you will just fuck each other again'. So then they knocked on the door, and I opened it, and I said 'sorry, Max isn't here, please honk later'. So then Tyson was like 'HOOOONKKKK!' and Brooklyn was shouting through the door I think. He might've been knocking, too. Then Kai started banging on the wall, which isn't a new thing, he does it quite a lot. And then Tala was outside shouting and swearing at Tyson, who was still honking. Then Kai joined them outside, and was shouting at Brooklyn and Tala was still shouting at Tyson, who was still honking, and then the whole corridor got woken up, and I was laughing because it was very amusing, and then some total DICKHEAD went and snitched and brought you up here, and now we're here, if you get what I mean."

5 seconds later

Everyone just stood and looked at me as though I'd grown another head.

"Well, thank you for that Max… But that doesn't explain why you have a hamster on your shoulder," Mrs McFahrt said.

I looked at my right shoulder. HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT BIBBET WAS THERE?!

"Err… Maybe this place is infested?" I suggested.

"You know full well that we don't allow pets at this school," McFahrt scowled.

"It's not my bloody hamster! It's Tyson's!" I said angrily.

Tyson walked over to me, still completely starkers, and took Bibbet off my shoulder.

"Is he being mean, Bibbet?" Tyson cooed at the bloody thing.

6.35 in the am

So, after a thorough telling-off from Head Fart about having a pet at school (the whole honking, noise and nakedness issue was somehow forgotten), we were all allowed to go back to our rooms.

Brooklyn kindly offered to go back to his own room, and now Tyson is pouting at me.

"Why are you pouting at me?" I ask him.

"Because, thanks to you, I never got to finish my sexytime with Brooklyn," Tyson said.

"Yeah, and? You'll get many other opportunities. McFahrt also let you keep that bloody hamster. I think you should be quite happy."

At that, Tyson grinned at me and started stroking said hamster, which was perched on his head.

10.35 in the am

Woaahhhh. I totally don't remember falling back asleep. But then, I was rudely woken up at 5.30. By Tyson and Brooklyn.

Hang on, where is Tyson? Surely he went back to sleep as well?

Lunch

I swear Mariam is following me. When I woke back up, I went for a walk down by the river, and she just happened to be going there, too. When I came back up to the school, she was behind me, and now I'm in the canteen with Tyson, and she's sat at the table next to ours.

… She must be following me.

"I wonder how good Tala is at wanking someone off," Tyson said randomly.

I looked up to see him staring at Tala, who was sat with Bryan and Spencer, but Kai wasn't there. How bizarre. Also, it's rare to see Spencer and Bryan around. They just seem to disappear.

"Tala's pretty good, actually," I said without thinking. Oh, shit. Tyson was giving me a look.

"And you know that HOW?" he enquired.

I glanced sideways, and saw that Mariam wasn't really eating anything, but she seemed alert, like she was listening to our conversation.

"Err, Kai told me," I lied.

Tyson saw right through that, though. He knows as well as I do that Kai would never tell anyone about his and Tala's sex life.

"Yeah, like Hell he did. Have you been wanked off by Tala?" Tyson whispered.

"Erm… No…" I replied.

"You so have, haven't you?"

"Well… Er, sort of."

"OH MY GOD!" Tyson shouted. Everyone looked at him. "YOU REALLY HAVE BEEN WANKED OFF BY TALA, HAVEN'T YOU?!"

Oh, thank you, Tyson. Excuse me as I die from mortification. If that's a word.

5 minutes later

The entire canteen is talking about Tala wanking me off now. Even the dinner ladies. A few people have come up to me and asked me if I'm gay. I've explained to everyone that's asked that I'm really not gay.

Actually, as soon as Tyson shouted it out, and turned to Mariam and said, "I'm not gay". She replied with, "I never said you were". Why I told her first, I don't know.

Tala looks furious. Kai's appeared from nowhere, and looks amused. Of course, Kai beat Tala up when he found out what Tala did to me, so Kai would find this all amusing. Uh oh, Tala's coming over.

"Look! Tala's going to Max for another go!" someone shouted.

Tala glared at them, and stopped when he got to our table.

"Did you want to shout that any louder, Tyson?" he said.

"Don't know if I could. I'll have to get a microphone next time," Tyson grinned. He really was asking for it.

"You're such a dickhead," Tala spat.

Ooooh dear, this was going to turn nasty. So, what do you do in this sort of situations?

Well, I get up on tables, and announce to everyone that I'm not gay, and Tala was just lonely. And then I shout to the dinner ladies to put the song 'Prince Charming' on, and I start a mass dance.

Of course, Tala has stormed off, with fellow Blitzkrieg Boyz in tow. But the rest of us in the canteen are having a fab time dancing to 'Prince Charming'. Even the dinner ladies.

Practice Matches

3.10 in the pm

After the whole 'Prince Charming' fandango, in which some of the teachers joined in before McFahrt put her foot down, we were all marched off to the training rooms. Which is where we are now. Practicing.

A minute later

Well, we would be practicing. If Ray and Mariah hadn't gotten up to the main dish. Not to beyblade, either.

"Well, erm… Me and 'Riah need to tell you guys something," Ray began. Oh God, it doesn't sound good.

"Well, we're actually leaving to go back home… And erm… We're not going to beyblade anymore, because, erm…" Ray carried on.

Christ, if he takes any longer, I'll be growing a beard.

"Well, the reason being… Is that we're actually trying for a baby," Ray finished.

"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Tyson shouted out.

Well, I can officially say I did not expect Ray and Mariah to announce that.

A minute later

Damn, they're trying for a baby? This is not as such sinking into my pea-sized brain.

* * *

A/N: PKW would like to say that she is in no way encouraging teenage pregnancies. Also, I hadn't planned for this chapter to be so long. I also hadn't planned for the whole 'horn, noise and naked' thing to be in here. It was just written in a moment of pure randomosity.

Also, I have read the new Georgia Nicolson book. It is called 'Stop In The Name Of Pants!'. It's very good, but I did nearly cry. I have also seen the trailer for the film they've made of "Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging". I've seen a few trailers, in fact. It looks good, but not as good as it's been written in the books. It's out on the 25th of July (obviously), so I'll be going to see that XD

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and remember that a review is almost as good as a hamster called Bibbet :D Cheers!


	11. Chapter 11

+ WARNINGS: Eh, the usual swearing, people ending up very drunk, and a very vague manlove lime :P

+ Disclaimer: -Sniffs- they're still not mine.

+ A/N: I would like you to know that I am listening to Christmas songs whilst writing this. A Christmas song by the Crazy Frog in particular, actually. Oh, shhh. Thanks for your reviews, and I'll warn you in advance - don't drink anything whilst you're reading this chapter. Enjoy :)

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 11: Because I Have A Penis!**

Sunday 6th October '07

9.00 in the am

Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera, sera.

I don't know why I'm singing that, so don't even ask.

5 minutes later

So, after the utter BUMSHELL that Ray and Mariah dropped last night (which didn't smell good - hahaha, do you get it? No? OK), I'm just wondering if things can get any madder. Of course, they will. Because I am sharing a room with Tyson, and all of my friends have gone completely and utterly bananas.

Quite literally.

Anyway, after Ray and Mariah's announcement, they said they were throwing a party tonight, and that it's a brilliant chance for everyone to get utterly wasted. Which I don't think is a good idea for Mariah, as she's trying to pregnant. So, I think she might be staying off the alcohol, and everyone else is getting wasted.

I'm not.

I've had bad experiences with alcohol in the past.

The whole 'admitting-I-fancy-Emily' scenario comes to mind. And that was because I was drunk.

A minute later

Maybe I'll just have a drink or two. Y'know. To get happy. Not that I need any drink to get happy. Well, I never used to.

A minute later

What shall I wear…?

A minute later

Fuck a duck! I totally sounded woman-like! Why the Hell am I worrying about what I'm going to wear?!

I'll ask Tyson when he wakes up. Not why I'm wondering what to wear like a girl, but what actually to wear.

A minute later

Then again, no. You've seen Tyson's awful dress sense, haven't you?

No… I think I'll decide on my own…

30 seconds later

Why am I still thinking about what to wear?! I'll be asking to borrow Kai and Tala's eyeliner next…

30 seconds later

I bloody well will not. I draw the line at make-up. And skirts. And tights. And generally anything that would belong to a girl. As I am not a girl. Obviously.

Do you know how I know I am not a girl?

Because I have a penis!

Hahahahahahahahaaaaa!

2 minutes later

Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure Tala wears mascara as well as eyeliner. Kai definitely wears eyeliner. I may have to lurk in their room one night and take pictures of them as they're putting on their make-up. And then use said pictures for bribery.

Mwahahaha…

A minute later

I'd have to take ear plugs or ear muffs or something. Y'know, to block out the sounds of sex. I really don't need to hear that coming from Kai and Tala. Not from within the same room, anyway.

5 minutes later

I've just been thinking about what I last said about ear muffs… And this might just be my weirdness breaking out… But…

Why are ear muffs called ear muffs? I mean, 'muff' is a pretty random word. And isn't it also another word for 'vagina'?

So basically, we'd be wearing 'ear vaginas'.

I have got to stop thinking about these things.

A minute later

They may as well have called them 'ear rugs'.

Or 'ear fannies'.

Shut up, shut up, shut up, brain!

A minute later

I am never going to be able to look at a pair of 'ear fannies' in the same way ever again.

Shut up, brain!!

10.00 in the am

Tyson has emerged from his crusty pit. It is literally crusty. He hasn't washed those sheets since we first got here. The dirty bastard.

"Tyson, do you think Tala wears mascara?"

"More than likely. I've always wondered how a dude with eyes like his can be the captain of a team like the Blitzkrieg Boyz."

"More importantly, have you noticed how Kai seems to wear eyeliner?"

"Yuppo. I've noticed that ever since he rejoined Tala's team that he's been wearing eye make-up. I sense that they have a touch of drag in them."

"Thank you, Tyson."

"What for?"

"For putting the image of Kai and Tala as drag queens in my head. It is a mental image I shall treasure forever."

5 minutes later

Tyson is rummaging in one of the drawers for clothes. Alarmingly, it's my drawer he's rummaging through. I can't be bothered to tell him. He'll just find out when he sees that my orange dungarees from yeeaaarrsss ago are in there. They still fit, too!

"Ty, what are you going to wear tonight. And are you going to get drunk?"

"Yes, I am going to get as pissed as a McFahrt. And I'm not going to wear anything. I am going to go butt-naked."

The scary thing is that he's probably telling the truth…

Lunch

We managed to miss breakfast. Ah, well. We have a lovely (ish) roast dinner on Sundays. Mmm… Chicken. At least, I hope it's chicken… It doesn't look very chicken-like…

Oh my God! What if the canteen ladies are killing off the students, and we're actually eating Ming-Ming or something!

I might actually be sick. I can't stand to look at Ming-Ming, let alone eat her.

30 seconds later

That sounded weird.

A minute later

Also, we can't be eating Ming-Ming, as she is sat over the other side of the canteen. I'm sure Kenny would absolutely wet himself with joy, though, if he thought he was eating Ming-Ming.

30 seconds later

That sounded REALLY weird.

5 minutes later

Tyson has spent the last 5 minutes trying to spear a roast potato onto his fork. Obviously, it hasn't worked, and the thing is just shooting around his plate every time he tries. He will not give up, though.

"This bloody thing is rock hard!"

"That's because the canteen ladies cooked it. Sorry, cremated it. Just give up."

"No, I want to kill it!"

"It's not even alive!"

"I want it stuck to the end of my fork so I can fling it at someone."

"Please tell me you're not thinking of starting a food fight."

"Of course not. I just want to see if I can knock someone out with this thing. As it's rock hard. Kind of like my penis."

"FAR TOO MUCH INFORMATION, TYSON. Ergh, and at lunch, too, you vulgar git."

"Mwahahaha…"

A minute later

"Tyson, why are ear muffs called ear muffs?"

"I don't know, and nor do I care."

"Why aren't they just called 'ear vaginas'?"

"I beg your pardon?" a female voice said from behind me.

I turned in my seat, and who stood there? Mariam. Oh bloody Hell, she'd heard me discussing the ear muffs!

"Well, I'm just saying that ear muffs is a funny name for two pieces of fur strapped to your ears."

"What, and calling them 'ear vaginas' wouldn't be a funny name?"

She had a point.

"Ear vaginas aside, are you going to Ray and 'Riah's party tonight?" I asked, changing the subject before I completely lose the plot.

"That's that I came over here to ask you, actually," she laughed. "Yeah, I am. So I guess I'll see you there. Later."

She walked off. Well, that was random.

"Tyson, don't you agree that that was random of her?"

"It's because she luuuuurves you."

"She does not."

"She does. She wants your babies. And to show you her special pair of ear vaginas. Hahahahaa."

"You really are being a twit today…"

3.15 in the pm

Ahhh, I'm taking a nice relaxing walk through the school gardens. They really are looking… Dead. Damn the Autumn-ness.

Oh, bollocks. I still haven't decided what to wear, have I? Well, one thing's for sure. I will not be wearing those lovely orange dungarees. As much as I love them, I do not want to look like a twat in front of all my chums.

3.30 in the pm

I have returned to room 101. There's a funny smell in here… I think it's Bibbet's cage. Tyson hasn't cleaned it out for at least a week (just like he hasn't cleaned his bed sheets), and it really is ponging now I get closer to it.

Maybe I should call Social Services?

No, I don't mean that, do I?

What do I mean? The R.S.P.C.A. That's what I mean. Though, I don't think they'll arrest Tyson for not cleaning out his hamster's cage. Which is a shame, because he says he's always wanted to be arrested…

Anyway, I've moved away from the cage. And now I'm rummaging in my own drawers. Oo-er. Maybe I'll opt for jeans… But not the ones with the word 'cutie' written on the backside. I swear they are women's jeans… So therefore I have never worn them. I don't know why I packed them. Hmm… I'll put them in Tyson's drawer. He'll love them, I'm sure.

5 minutes later

I am actually worse than a woman. I've chosen the pair of jeans that seem to fall right under my butt cheeks, and therefore display my underwear to the world. Before wearing them, I must make sure I put clean boxers on and that no hints of skid marks are seen anywhere.

Ewww.

But as for a t-shirt… Where the Hell did this 'Go Girl!' one come from?! That's not mine! I'll put that in Tyson's drawer, too. It probably really is his, and he's put his things in my drawer, which would probably explain why he was rummaging through my drawer. Cheeky bastard.

Anyway, I can't decide between two of my t-shirts. One has a picture of Draciel drawn on it. Someone made this for me… Who was it? Oh, yeah. It was Hilary. I won't be wearing that, then.

So, the t-shirt I'm left with is a plain green one, with a picture of a dead Boris Balcov on it. As all my other t-shirts are from when I was about 13.

A minute later

The dead Boris will have to do.

Now, to plan my make-up…

JOKE!

4.00 in the pm

Tyson has returned from yonder. Wherever that is. My point is that he has returned, and he smells. Real bad. Of sex.

Talking of sex, I haven't gotten laid in like, forever.

"Tyson, you stink."

"Why thank you. I call this scent 'Eau d'JustGotLaid'. Hahahahahahaaaa."

What is wrong with him today? I will not be hanging around with him at the party if he keeps acting like this. I will go and stand with Tala and Kai. Not that they'll notice me there, because they'll be too busy snogging each other's faces off.

4.30 in the pm

Why is the time going sooooo slowly? WHY?

Why am I so bothered about this bloody party, anyway? It's only Ray and Mariah's leaving party. Maybe it's because Mariam said she'd see me there… Hmmm… Maybe I'm just nervous about seeing Emily around… Hmmm even more.

A minute later

Why in the name of arse would I be worried about seeing Emily around? It was SHE who dumped ME and then asked for another chance. Not the other way around. I have every right to snog Mariam if I want to.

30 seconds later

Where the Hell did that come from?!

6.00 in the pm

I've been trying to distract myself from looking at the clock by reading a book. It's worked a little bit. But what really distracted me was the sight of Tyson getting his pubes stuck in the zip of his leather trousers.

Yes, you heard right. LEATHER TROUSERS.

How it made me laugh.

And he got them stuck, because he made the decision not to wear any underwear.

"You'll be able to see the outline of my underwear through the leatherness!" He said.

I didn't dare remind him that he has a thong. I'm already traumatised from discovering that fact in the first place. Anyway, leather trousers, thongs and pubes aside, the party starts at seven. Meaning I have an hour to kill.

2 minutes later

Is it 7 in the pm yet?

5 minutes later

How about now?

3 minutes later

Now?

The Party

7.00 in the pm

How about now? Hahahahahaaaaa.

Lee is already as drunk as a McFahrt. I don't know why Ray and Mariah let him get away with it. He appears to be wearing those stripper trousers that he wore to that other party the one time.

I just hope Tyson doesn't join him for a double act. Good God, can you image them both on stage, stripping to "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt"?

I haven't spotted Mariam yet. Or Emily. But when I do, I will make sure to send evil glares.

At Emily, not Mariam. Obviously.

I haven't seen Kai or Tala, either. They're probably having pre-party sexytime. Complete with party hats.

Noooooo, get out of my head!

5 minutes later

Where is Tyson, thinking about it? He's definitely not with Lee, because Lee is up on stage, singing his version of "Mary Had A Little Lamb" again. Ahhh the memories…

But where is Tyson?

7.15 in the pm

I've had a walk around, got roped into dancing with Ming-Ming (I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at her), and I still can't find Tyson.

I have just bumped into Mariam, though.

"Well, well, fancy seeing you here," she smiled.

I may have never thought this before… But… Phwoooarrr!

5 minutes later

Had a bit of a dance with Mariam, and asked her if she's seen Tyson. She said no. It does make me wonder where he's disappeared to.

Oh, never mind, here he is now.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I ask him.

"Been getting things ready."

"Err, ready for what?"

"For later."

Oh, God. No doubt he's done something to prepare for a night of sex with Brooklyn.

8.00 in the pm

It's always amazed me how we've managed to get away with having these parties, yet we can't dance to 'Prince Charming' in the canteen. Talking of 'Prince Charming'… Guess what's being played? All we need now is for everyone to have a can of Pimm's in their hand.

A minute later

Still dancing to 'Prince Charming'. This song provides so much entertainment for my tiny brain.

5 minutes later

As does 'Mr Bombastic' by Shaggy. Which is being played now, and… Oh, God. Lee has started stripping. Already. And it's not even quarter past 8.

30 seconds later

Tyson's gone up to join Lee. I knew this would happen. It happens every single frickin' party. I might ask Lee to get some new ideas, and to not put any in Tyson's head.

8.30 in the pm

I've had to have a drink. An alcoholic one. After the whole stripping thing, Tyson came to stand next to me, completely naked. You have no idea what it's like to be stood next to your best friend who is completely starkers at a party. He was just chatting away normally, like he does this every day. And it was just hanging there, if you know what I mean.

I can't talk to someone seriously when they're stood there like that. It is just impossible.

9.00 in the pm

I'm so bored, now. Mariam's done a disappearing act, and if looks could kill, I'd be dead, as Emily is giving me evils. Grr to you, evil ginger lady. Tala and Kai have turned up, though. Both completely wasted, and staggering about looking lost. I suspect that they've been on their Russian vodka.

It's strong, that stuff.

They forced some down my throat at the end of the last World Championships. I practically keeled over.

9.20 in the pm

Lee never ceases to amaze me. Did you know that he knows every lyric to every song by Abba? I predict fame and fortune for him. He will be a famous, stripping, one-man tribute Abba band. I just know it.

A minute later

It is quite amusing, watching Tala sing along to "Waterloo". Very loudly. And badly. I sense fame for him, too. He will make porn films with Kai, whilst dressed in drag and singing Abba songs.

30 seconds later

I wish that image wasn't in my head.

5 minutes later

Someone's put some proper music on, now, and so I am dancing with Mariam once more. She had to pop to the bathroom, apparently. Yes, for about 25 minutes.

Tyson is dancing next to us.

Of course, by dancing, I actually mean bobbing around like a twit. And he is still naked. At least Lee's had some decency to put his underwear back on. But then, Tyson wasn't wearing any in the first place.

An hour later

I am abso-bloody-lutely exhausted from all this dancing. I just want to sleep, now! Tyson mumbled something about us going back to room 101 in a bit. I hope he wasn't insinuating what I think he was insinuating.

10.30 in the pm

Busted. No, not the band. A teacher has stumbled across this really mad party. I really, really am actually very surprised that they've never stumbled into our parties before.

Anyway, party is now over, and so a troupe of us (me, Tyson, Brooklyn, Mariam, Ray, Mariah, Lee, Matilda who was dragged against her own will by Lee, Kai and Tala) are now going back to mine and Tyson's room. I am dreading to think what is going to happen in there, now.

In Room 101

A few minutes later

Tyson has tidied up in here! It actually turns out that he'd invited some people over to play 'Spin The Bottle Mixed With Truth or Dare', or some other crap game or whatever. That is what he meant when he said he was "getting things ready" earlier!

"Oooookaaaysss!" Tyson shouted at no one in particular. Everyone's made themselves comfy on the two beds, and blankets. We look like sardines.

"Tyson, you is pissed as fart," Tala giggled. Yes. Giggled.

"You can't talk, Tala. Quite literally," Mariam laughed. She was crammed in between me and Mariah.

"I has a bottle," Tyson held up an empty vodka bottle. It was in Russian, so he'd clearly stolen it from Tala and Kai at some point. "We spins bottle…"

"And do truth or dare? Yeah, Tyson, we know how this works. It'll just get complicated if you try and explain things when you're drunk," Mariah said.

"I'll spin the bottle first," Ray said, and he span the bottle. Obviously. I mean, he wasn't going to say that, and spin the hamster cage, was he?

The bottle landed on Kai. Oh, God. Please don't dare him to do anything with Tala. I won't be able to handle it.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth, s'il vous plait."

Er, how long has Kai spoken French for?!

"Who goes bottom, you or Tala?"

Unfortunately, I already know the answer to this one. Tyson's perked up. He's always wanted to know which one of those two goes uke… And also, since when did RAY want to know this kind of thing?"

"I go bottom. All the time. Tala doesn't like going bottom. He complained last time he did."

We all went quiet for a moment, whilst Tala sat there smiling and humming to himself. I suspect that he and Kai have taken something else… But I can't be sure. Kai span the bottle again, and it landed on… Crap. No, it didn't land on crap, because that would be disgusting. It landed on me.

"Troof or dare?" Kai asked.

"Er, truth." I was not going for a dare this early on.

"Tu veuz emprunter mon crayon?"

WHAT?

"Sorry, Kai. Can you repeat that. In ENGLISH?"

"Do you want to borrow my pencil?"

"… Not particularly."

"OK."

I span the bottle. It landed on Tyson. Mwahahaha…

"Truth or dare."

"Dare."

"I dare you… To streak down the corridor."

I should've thought of something better, I knew he'd do what I dared him to even if he wasn't drunk. Or playing this game. So off he went, walked out of the door (he's still completely naked - and he's left his leather trousers behind), and ran down the corridor, turned the corner, and disappeared. He'd ran off down the left, so we looked to the right, and there he was, just running round the corner, penis swinging around everywhere.

It was a very funny sight.

10 minutes later

Max is getting sleepy, he is. Matilda got dared to snog Lee. She kissed him, but there was no full-on snog. Lee is actually asleep, though, so he didn't notice. Mariah got asked if she was hoping that her first child was a boy or girl. She said girl, but Ray argued with her that it must be a boy. Then Mariah said, "as long as it isn't both, I'm no bothered".

Bottle has landed on Tala.

"We dare you to wank off Kai."

Oh, god. Not more Tala/Kai porn. I just hope Tala refuses to do it.

"OK."

Nooo. Memories of Tala wanking me off are flooding back… Out of my head, memories! Strangely, Kai isn't objecting. He's just sat there as Tala happily (I mean happily, he has a huge grin on his face - it's scary) undoes his trousers, and takes his whatsit out.

"J'ai un frere qui s'appelle Ludovic," Kai said, as Tala started stroking him.

Strangely, no one had asked Kai anything, and he was still speaking French! If I can just decipher bits and pieces of what he just said… He mentioned something about a brother called Ludovic. Which is odd, because he doesn't have a brother at all.

2 minutes later

This is very odd, but we're all (bar Lee) just sat here watching Tala get Kai off. I can't stand this. They're on my bed, for God's sake!

"Can someone please spin the bottle. I can't watch that anymore," I said, and so Matilda span it.

It landed on Mariam.

"I'll have a dare," she said, grinning.

"I dare you… To…" Matilda started, looking around the room. "I dare you to kiss Max!"

What?! What?! WHAT?!

A minute later

There's all this kerfluffle. I'd be quite happy to kiss Mariam (in all honesty, I have just discovered that I REALLY want to kiss her), but she's all like, "oooh, he's my friend, I can't do that", whilst turning bright red, and Tala is still at Kai over on my bed. Everyone else is now sat on the floor, chanting "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!"

Right, that is it.

30 seconds later

I grabbed her head, and kissed her myself.

There's nothing quite like kissing your latest crush, whilst two of your gay friends are at it over on your bed. There really isn't.

* * *

A/N: Hooray for the longest chapter I've ever written! Lol! This was supposed to be put up on Friday. But my internet has been a total arse, so I've only just gotten a chance to put it up now. Gah!

Y'know the ear muff thing? I really was actually thinking why they're called ear muffs when writing this chapter. It's because I was looking at my own rather fetching reindeer pair. Hmm…

Only two more chapters left! :(

Anyhoo, review? :D


	12. Chapter 12

+ WARNINGS: Erm… There really isn't much to warn you about… There's a bit of puking talk the usual swearing, dissecting small animals and organs (which, I'll have you know, I hated writing)… And pube talk!

+ Disclaimer: I own nothing…

+ A/N: Y'know, it's taken me forever just to get this started. I was just sat in the garden, blowing some bubbles, and then I thought, 'hmm, I think I'll go and write the next chapter'. Which reminds me, I need to write chapter 2 for "Brillo Pad"… Ah well… I also didn't mean for the title of this chapter to be so long XD Eh, enjoy!

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 12: I Do Not As Such Like Being Compared To Tyson's Pubes**

Monday 7th October '07

7.00 in the am

Did I kiss Mariam last night?

A minute later

I did, didn't I?

A minute later

I can't actually remember much about last night. My mind has been wiped blank. All I remember is kissing Mariam. And I don't even remember that very well.

A minute later

There is a white stain on my bed. How did that get there?

"Tyson, wake up."

"Grrnnn."

"What sort of noise was that? Get your lazy arse out of bed right now!"

"Whyyyyy?!"

"Because I want to know why there is a white stain on my bed. And why I can't remember anything from last night."

"Well, we were playing 'Truth or Dare'…"

"Stop right there. Who's 'we'?"

"Me, you, Mariam, Kai, Tala, Brooklyn, Ray, Lee, Mariah and Matilda."

"How did we fit us all into this room?!"

"With great difficulty. Anyway, Mariam got dared to kiss you, but she wouldn't, so you kissed her. Tala was dared to wank off Kai, which is why there's a stain on your bed, as that's where they did it, and after all this, Lee finally woke up, pulled an unknown pill from somewhere, and dared you to take it. So you did. About half an hour later, you just keeled over. We thought you'd fell asleep."

I took a pill that Lee had found? Am I seriously retarded?!

"I took a pill?"

"Yep."

"And then keeled over?"

"Yep."

"Did no one check to make sure I was alive?"

"Of course they did. Tala and Kai went back to their own room, and so Mariam told us we should put you on your bed. She made sure you were breathing, and your penis hadn't dropped off, and stuff."

"Whoa! Hold on! She checked for my cock?"

"No, I was just joking about that bit. It got your attention, though, didn't it?"

I hate him.

Lunch

Nothing interesting has happened all morning. Lessons have been boring. Well, they've been boring when some of the drunkards haven't fallen off their chairs, walked into desks, and fallen asleep.

We all waved Ray and Mariah off just after breakfast. Tyson actually cried. Kai and Tala laughed at him. So he threw something at them (I think it was a stone), and so they duffed him up. I can't even count how many times he's been beaten up by them, now. There have been so many times which I haven't actually written about.

A minute later

He must have brain damage, though. He really must have, because he's just playing with his food. He's not eating it at all.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" I ask him.

"I'm not hungry."

What?

"Say that again."

"… I'm not hungry."

I must capture this on video. I've gotten my mobile phone out, and am now recording Tyson's face. He is looking at me all puzzled-like.

"Say that again."

He grinned.

"I'm really hungry. Hahahahahahahahaaaaaa."

Oh, boo.

4.00 in the pm

I have just discovered Mariam lurking in the gardens on one of the benches. OK, so she's not literally lurking… But more… Loitering. No, she's not really doing that, either. Oh, who cares. She's sat on a bench.

"Howdy, Mariam."

"Howdy, yourself, Max."

Silence… I guess I should expect everything to be kind of awkward after last night…

"So… Erm…" Mariam began saying. "You survived after last night, then?"

"Clearly. Otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you now."

"Good point, well made."

"I know."

More silence…

"Max, can I ask you a question?"

"Most certainly, my dear."

I will stop talking like a twat.

"Do you fancy me?"

… Ah. How do I answer that one?

"I think so."

"You think so?"

"Yes, but I can't be sure. I think a snog might help me decide."

… Can you tell that my brain and lips are just working of their own accord now?

"A snog?"

"Yes, a snog. Full-frontal, if you please."

"Is this a hint that you want me to kiss you?"

"Maybe."

10 minutes later

Wow. Wow, wow and quadruple wow. With knobs. 10 minutes of full-frontal kissing. I think I might have stopped breathing, too. So it's a wonder I'm not dead.

"So, do you fancy me?" Mariam asked again.

"I do believe I do," I replied.

"Me too."

"What, you fancy you, too?"

"No, you plonker. I fancy you!"

"The last girl to tell me she liked me, had sex with me a lot, and then dumped me because I wasn't manly enough for her. That isn't going to happen again, is it?"

"Most definitely not," Mariam rested her head on my shoulder.

Strangely, she had me convinced. But then, I always have gullible… Like when my Dad told me the moon was made of cheese… I believed him.

I was about 5 at the time, though.

How did I get onto that topic? Ah, yes. I remember. Slightly. I think that unknown pill from last night has meddled with my brains. Not that there was a lot to meddle with in the first place.

"Mariam, would thou liketh to go on a dateth with me-eth?"

"Tee hee, of course-io. I would love-io to go-io on a date-io with you… Io," she giggled.

At least she has my sense of humour. But what sort of couple talks to each other in Italian (ish) and Shakespearean talk?

Who said we were a couple in the first place?

Oh, that would have been me.

Sort of.

But at least we have a date!

8.15 in the pm

I haven't told Tyson about my date with Mariam yet. The main reason being because he's been in the bloody bathroom since tea finished (which was about two hours ago). The other reason being because I know he will say something stupid. Because that is what Tyson is like.

"Tyson, could you please leave some hot water for me?! I do happen to want to take a shower in a bit!"

"No you don't!"

"I really do!"

"I really think you don't!"

I hadn't realised that we were shouting so loudly, but obviously we had, because Kai has just joined in. By thumping on the wall, and shouting:

"Will you two shut up?! I'm trying to get some peace here!"

I thumped back, and shouted,

"Peace?! With Tala in the same room as you?! Good luck, mate!"

That shut him up. But not before one last thump.

8.30 in the pm

Ahh, good. Tyson has just emerged from the bathroom… He opened the door, and all this steam came bursting out of the bathroom. It was like he was walking out of an alien space pod or something.

"Did you know…" He began, and sat on his bed.

"Oh, God. It's going to be something stupid isn't it?"

"No! It's something of vital importance!"

"OK… What is it?"

"Did you know, that if I twist my pubes around two of my fingers, they stick up like devil horns and remind me of Tala."

"Did you really just say that your pubic hair reminds you of Tala?"

"Yes."

I looked at Tyson.

He looked at me.

"OK, then…"

Wednesday 9th October '07

Guess what's goin' down?

Abso-bloody-lutely nothing!

Thursday 10th October '07

7.24 in the am

I'm currently on a hunt for Mariam's dorm. I don't know who she's sharing with… I think it might be Matilda, but one can't be sure. Hell, she might be sharing with Joseph. But somehow, I don't think so.

Tyson woke up at 6 this morning, and threw up. How weird is that?! He says he's going to miss classes today, which isn't so weird, and told me not to bother saving him anything from breakfast, which is also quite weird.

I just randomly changed the topic, didn't I?

Well, so would you, if you'd been wandering around aimlessly for about 15 minutes, trying to find your crush's dorm, with no results. I really want to catch her before lessons and breakfast to organise this bloody date we're supposed to be going on.

5 minutes later

I haven't found Mariam's dorm, but I have just bumped into Tala. Who looks very tired.

"Hi, Max."

"Howdy. Blimey, you look knackered."

"Yeah, Kai kept me up all night."

Noooo, I do not need to hear about that!

"Erm… You don't know where Mariam's room is, do you?"

"Nope. Not a clue. Hey, breakfast is cooking. Or rather, being burnt. I'm surprised the smell of it hasn't gotten Tyson out of bed."

"Oh, he said he's not eating breakfast today. He threw up this morning, and then said he had a real bad craving for pickled eggs and crisps. Together."

"Throwing up and cravings, huh?" Tala raised his eyebrow.

Ohhh noooo, the talk of Tyson has brought that bloody conversation about his pubes to my mind. Note to self: Do not mention that conversation to Tala!

"Tyson told me the other day that if he twists his pubes around two of his fingers, they stick up like devil horns, and he said they remind him of you."

Damn.

Tala raised his eyebrow even more.

"… I do not as such like being compared to Tyson's pubes."

5 minutes later

Tala has left, but not before promising that he will punch Tyson about the pube thing. So, I am continuing my search for Mariam's- oh no. Emily's just come around the corner.

"Ah, Max, I'm glad I've seen you. I hear that you've been getting close to Mariam, and so I wanted to warn you that she's a bit of a tart, and cheats."

Oh, rave on.

"Does she? Oh, good. I wondered if you could tell me where her dorm is? Thank you, please."

"And why would I tell you that? See you around, Mr. Gullible."

Wow, Emily, once cutest-and-sex-extraordinaire, has now turned into Super Bitch. What did I ever see in her, again?

Breakfast

8.00 in the am

I am sitting all on my onesy, trying to cut up my very burnt bacon, whilst keeping an eye out for Mariam. She hasn't arrived yet, I don't think. I wish she would get here soon. It's kind of odd not eating with Tyson.

2 minutes later

She's here! She's joined the queue to get her food, and I am waving like a madman at her. She'll probably think twice about agreeing to that date, now.

A few minutes later

She has snubbed her own team, and has joined me. Mwahahahaha. I be stealin' their super-hot girl, me maties!

"Was there any need for that over-the-top waving?" She said as she sat down.

"Most definitely, old chap. I wanted to make sure you got the point that I was eating all alone and wanted you to join me."

"'Old chap'? Well, I'm not sure I did get the point. Maybe you should try waving some flags next time?"

"I'll remember that advice."

We both chuckled.

"About that date…" I started.

"Oh yeah, I was wondering when you were actually going to tell me when we're going on that date."

"Well, I was looking for you this morning before breakfast, but then I realised that I don't know your room number, so I was wandering around aimlessly, and then I bumped into Tala and accidentally told him about Tyson's pube thing, and then I bumped into Emily, and she was being a mega bitch."

"… Tyson's pube thing?"

"Yes."

"I just won't even ask. I know better than to ask. For the record, I'm in room 199. Now, about this date…?"

"Hang on, let me just write your room number down on my hand…"

Biology, a.k.a. Dissecting Lots Of Small Animals, Which I Think Is Nasty And Horrible And Sadistic

9.00 in the am

I wish Tyson was here to dissect these small animals with me. But he's not. We could refuse to do it together. Oo-er. But, instead, I am paired with Tala and Kai, who are arguing in whispers, because Kai doesn't want to dissect any animal (him being a total softie for animals and all - not that everyone knows this, so shhh), and Tala just wants to get it over and done with.

"Max, you want to just dissect the animal, don't you?" Tala said to me.

"Please don't bring me into your argument."

"Isn't dissecting things sick?" Kai asked me.

Oh, for God's sake.

"Yes, it is sick. And I really don't want to dissect anything. But at least it's dead, so let's just get this fucking lesson over with."

They both stared at me. I hate being the voice of reason.

2 minutes later

Tala has been given the duty of cutting the animal. I think it's a mouse, by the way. Some people have got frogs, though. And some people haven't got animals at all, but just organs.

I officially hate this lesson. It's sick.

I don't even know why we're dissecting this animals. I think we're trying to find their kidneys. It's a fucking mouse, for Christ's sake! Those kidneys are going to be tiny!

A minute later

We haven't even cut into the mouse, yet. Tala has discovered that when he pokes it, it squeaks. Kai is not impressed.

"Will you please just find those kidneys, so we can show the Hitler at the front, and then GET OUT OF HERE?!"

"But it squeaks!"

"Tala, you're not making anything better," I said.

He looked at both me and Kai, with an odd expression. And then stabbed the mouse.

I thought Kai was going to faint. Or burst into tears. Tala is not as such being very careful, or sympathetic towards Kai. Anyone in this room can see how much Kai's hating this.

5 minutes later

Me and Kai have joined those with extremely weak stomachs out in the hallway. We couldn't take it anymore. Watching Tala root around, trying to find tiny kidneys in a mouse… It just wasn't right.

"Are you having second thoughts about being Tala's boyfriend?" I asked him.

"Kind of. I just need to make sure I keep all sharp objects away from him now. He is not going anywhere near my cats."

Oliver is actually being sick. The toilets are just down the hall, and he's being sooo loud.

"Tala tells me that Tyson's been sick this morning. And had a really unusual craving," Kai said, changing the topic. Clearly, he can hear Oliver, too.

"Yeah… I dunno what's wrong with him. He didn't even want breakfast. I mean, if the sickness and craving wasn't weird enough…"

"Maybe he's pregnant?"

I looked at Kai, expecting to see him grinning or smirking or something to just generally show he was joking around. Which isn't very Kai-like. And he wasn't smiling or anything, but looked extremely serious.

"Tyson is male."

"Yeah, and?"

"Males do not have babies. That's what I learned in Sex Education, anyway."

"Male seahorses have babies."

Am I seriously having this conversation with THE Kai Hiwatari? What has Tala done to him?!

"Yes, but Tyson isn't a seahorse. And anyway, I thought the males seahorses just look after the baby seahorses until it's time they were born?"

"They still have the babies."

"Look, I'm sure Tyson is not pregnant. It's bloody impossible."

"It happens. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"That was a fictional film!"

Oh. My. God. Kai is getting as bad as Tyson himself!

"Don't worry, Max. I'm just messing with you. You're right, it's impossible that Tyson's pregnant. But it's not impossible for me."

"I-what?!"

"Er, nothing."

"No, what do you mean by that?"

"I told you, nothing. I'm just messing."

"Yes, you've messed with my brain enough. I am so confused. Tell me what you meant by that. Are you part female or something?!"

"No."

"… I give up."

"Please do."

At that moment, Tala stuck his head out the door, and held up two very tiny dangly things.

"I GOT THEM!" he shouted.

6.00 in the pm

Tyson has appeared for tea. He hasn't actually eaten anything all day. Which is odd. Extremely odd. Weird to the extreme, and so on.

"Kai suggested that you're pregnant, and that's why you've been sick, and getting cravings at stuff."

There is something in my tea, that looks suspiciously like the mouse kidneys that Tala showed us earlier.

I can't eat this, now.

"Pregnant? Impossible. I'm a man!"

"I'm glad you've noticed. Yeah, I told him it wasn't possible, but then he started ranting on about seahorses."

"… Er, why?"

"Because, the male seahorses have babies, apparently."

"But I'm not a seahorse."

"I know. I told him that, too. He's acting kind of oddly."

"Well, so am I."

"You always act oddly."

Mariam has just sat down at our table. Oddly, Brooklyn isn't with us. Tyson said Brooklyn's been ignoring him since the party. Which is weird.

"You ready to go, already?" I asked Mariam.

"Yeah, I couldn't really eat much. Me, Mariah, Matilda and Julia have been stuffing ourselves silly with sweets all day."

"Why didn't you offer any to Emily. After all, she is Mariah's roommate and friend."

"Mariah said she stopped liking Emily when she was a bitch to you."

"Fair enough."

"Oi, ready to go where?" Tyson butted in.

"Oh, yeah. Me and Mariam are going to the cinema after tea. To watch a film. Obviously."

"Ohhh, OK. I'll invite Brooklyn round to room 101, then, and see what's wrong with him. And make up with super hot sex."

"Too much information, Tyson," Mariam said.

"Anyway, I've finished. I can't eat these mouse kidneys anymore. See you later, Tyson."

"Er, mouse kidneys?" Mariam asked, as we walked away.

"Biology. With Kai and Tala. That's all I'm saying."

The Cinema

6.45 in the pm

Mariam wants to see 'The Dark Knight', and I'm all for seeing it, too. But there's a really, really fat man stuck in the door. And I mean fat. And stuck. The cinema staff are trying to help him out, but they're failing.

"Why don't they have another door?" Mariam asked, as we watched someone fall over from trying to pull the bloke out.

"Because they're gay. And surely, being his size, he would've known he wouldn't fit through the door?"

"He should've walked sideways."

"He shouldn't have left the house."

Oh, come off it. We want to see the film!

"Excuse me," I've walked up to one of the cinema staff. "If he's stuck in the door, how did you get out?"

"They're called fire exits, kid."

"Well, can't you let all us lovely folk in through one of the fire exits?"

"No can do. Staff use only."

"So, what you're saying is, if there's a fat man stuck in the door, and a fire breaks out inside, and we happen to be in that there building, we won't be able to get out, because the fire exits are for staff use only?"

"In an emergency, the public can use fire exits."

"This is an emergency, now let us in."

"Fire exits are called fire exits for a reason. They're not called fire entrances, now back off, kid!"

"You have fire exits, but why don't you have bomb exits?"

"Kid, bugger off! You're not getting in even if that man gets unstuck from the door!"

Damn.

7.00 in the pm

We have resorted to sitting down by the river. It's quite chilly out tonight, though.

"I can't believe that cinema bloke wouldn't let us in through the fire exit," I said.

"Think of how much money that cinema is losing, all because a stupid man got stuck in the door, and they won't let people in through other doors," Mariam said, shivering.

"You cold?"

"A tad."

"Come here, then."

"Why?"

"So I can put my arm around you, you nutter."

"Me, a nutter? I think you'll find YOU'RE the nutter. And also the one who got us banned from the cinema, and we hadn't even gotten inside."

"The bloke in the door, and the cinema bloke were pissing me off! Now, are you going to come closer, or are you going to shiver to death?"

She poked her tongue out at me, but cuddled up to me all the same. I can't remember if Emily ever felt this good cuddled up to me… But then, why do I care about Emily? I don't. She's an evil, using super bitch. Grrr, to you!

8.00 in the pm

It started raining, so we've come back up to the school. We went to her room first, and she is actually sharing it with Matilda! So I was right. Goodnight kiss, hugs, and so on and so forth, and now I am wandering back to my room.

Or, I would be, if Emily wasn't stood in my way, hands on hips and eyebrows raised.

"What's your problem?" I asked, frowning.

"I thought I told you, that Mariam cheats and just uses people."

"I honestly don't care what you have to say. You're just being bitchy."

"You won't even listen to me, because you're so hung up on her!"

"No, I won't listen to you, because you are being a mega bitch, and jealous! You need to get over me, because I'm over you!"

"Mariam isn't right for you!"

"What, and you are? Listen to yourself Emily. Get a life."

I went to walk past her, but she grabbed me, and kissed me. I pushed her away.

"Get a hold of yourself! I don't like you anymore, Emily. You broke my heart, and I've moved on. Mariam's so much nicer than you, so just back off!"

She's really pissing me off. She just doesn't want me to be happy. She looks as though she's about to cry, now. Oh, let her. I don't care.

I really did walk off, with no grabbing incidents, and didn't look back at her.

* * *

A/N: Oooh, dear. Emily's becoming a cow! I actually have big plans for her bitchyness in the sequel to this story. That's if I go ahead with writing the sequel. We will have to see…

So, just one more chapter to go… Eeek! This chapter… Hmm… I didn't have much planned for this chapter. Just Tyson being sick, and Max and Mariam's 'date'. So, how it got to be 10 pages long, I don't know...

I didn't like writing the dissecting scene. I won't ever write another one. But it was important, because I needed Kai to go a bit mad, and get all sensitive, and rant about seahorses (well, I didn't originally plan for him to rant about seahorses, but that's how it turned out).

Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed, and review if you have time! Thank you, please! :D


	13. Chapter 13

+ WARNINGS: Love, fluff, unbearable cuteness. Oh, the Mpreg is revealed :D

+ Disclaimer: I didn't own it at the beginning… I still don't own it here at the end.

+ A/N: … I don't know what to say. This is the final chapter of 'Confessions'… :( I'll do proper A/Ns at the end of this chapter…

* * *

**Confessions Of A Blader**

**Chapter 13: Well, Blow Me Down And Call Me Edna!**

Friday 11th October '07

Brekkie

8.00 in the am

Tyson threw up again this morning… I really am thinking about what Kai said… Except the seahorse part. That was just mad. Anyway, Tyson threw up, but he said he could force something down for breakfast.

I can see Emily on the other side of the canteen… Evil, ginger-haired, boyfriend-stealing (err, do I count as Mariam's boyfriend yet? No? I'll have to change that…), stupid BITCH! Gah! I could so rant to Tyson about her, but I won't. Because then I'd have to reveal that she tried to kiss me. And I don't want to reveal that just yet, as Mariam is sat with us. She would not be happy.

I think.

5 minutes later

Err, something's seriously wrong here. Kai and Tala have just joined us. Me and Mariam have raised our eyebrows, but Tyson and Brooklyn (they've made up) haven't even looked up, yet…

"My manlove senses are tingling," Tyson said, finally looking up at Tala and Kai.

"My Gaydar was alerting me to the presence of gays approaching about 5 minutes ago," Brooklyn piped up. Odd, he doesn't normally speak.

"You guys are actually insane," Mariam said.

Kai is glaring at Brooklyn. Brooklyn is humming away to himself. Tyson is… Eating. Tala is frowning at Brooklyn. Mariam… Has got up and left. How rude.

"May I ask why you two have joined us instead of the other two people you're on a team with?" I asked Kai and Tala.

"You mean Bryan and Spencer?" Tala said.

"Nooooo, I meant Ming-Ming and Boris," I rolled my eyes. Tala frowned.

"They disappeared. We didn't want to look like loners like we usually do, so we came to sit with you, who we get on with somewhat," Tala replied.

"Are you looking at me funny?" Kai asked no one in particular. Everyone at the table looked at him.

"We are now," Tyson laughed.

"Not you, Cappy, the Ginger Nut sat next to you," Kai said, pointing at Brooklyn.

"Ginger Nut?" Brooklyn repeated.

"Yes, Ginger Nut," Tala said.

"You're one to talk, Eyebrows," Brooklyn said, staring at Tala's furry bits (oo-er).

Uh-oh. I see this turning ugly.

"What's wrong with my eyebrows?!" Tala shouted, standing up. The entire canteen turned to look at our table. Oh, the humiliation.

"They're HUUUUUUUUUUGE!" Tyson joined in, also standing up.

"LEAVE HIS EYEBROWS ALONE, FATTY!" Kai shouted at Tyson.

"Don't shout at him!" Brooklyn said.

How the Hell did this all break out?!

"WILL YOU ALL CALM DOWN?!" I also stood up, shouting, and holding my arms out, like they do in fights, except I wasn't stood in between any of them, so it was utterly pointless.

"NO!" all four of them shouted at me.

"GAY FIGHT!" someone over the other side of the canteen shouted.

5 minutes later

All four of them are still stood there, shouting at one another, whilst everyone else in the canteen is watching them, and shouting, and I'm trying to get them to stop, so I'm having to shout… Oh, and Mrs McFahrt has just entered the canteen, and is shouting, too.

What fun.

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE HELL UP!" McFahrt, err, shouted.

I still don't think that's any way to talk to students. How in the name of Tala's recently offended-eyebrows did she ever become Headmistress?

A minute later

Everyone has actually shut up. And now every single person in this canteen is just stood still, glancing at one another. Not a single soul is daring to make a noise. This actually reminds me of the time I locked Tyson and Brooklyn out of our dorm, and then me, Tyson, Brooklyn, Tala, Kai, and McFahrt were all glancing at one another…

Actually, this IS exactly like that time. Except, no one's naked, or locked out of our dorm. And every other single student is joining in this time.

"Why, why, WHY is it always you five that cause arguments and make so much bloody noise?!" McFahrt asked us.

She does make a point. It is always us five.

"Well, you see… What happened was-" I began.

"Oh, no, Tate. You cannot try and get yourself out of this with one of your stupid explanations. Nor can you try and distract me with hamsters. Valkov, YOU explain to me why you're all shouting like morons," McFahrt said, rudely interrupting me.

All eyes turned on Tala, who looked a little surprised.

"Well… He insulted my eyebrows," Tala said, pointing at Brooklyn.

Oh, come on! I should've just explained, anyway. My explanations are more entertaining!

"Your eyebrows?" McFahrt repeated. Her own eyebrows were raised. I can see why, it is a very random thing to start a fight over…

"Yes," Tala replied. "Tyson and Brooklyn said they were huge."

"Well, they're not exactly small, are they?" McFahrt said, having a close-up look at Tala's eyebrows.

"How VERY dare you!" Tala shouted at McFahrt, clearly not impressed.

He grabbed Kai's hand, and stormed out of the canteen. I don't know why Kai lets Tala pull him around like that. It must be luuuuurve. Or Kai's just going soft.

English

9.10 in the am

I have just remembered that I am sat next to Tyson in this lesson. And we're sat behind Kai and Tala. Who are ignoring us. I keep trying to ask them why they're ignoring me, but because they're ignoring me, they won't reply. Which is rude.

I think this day is just going to be one rude day…

9.15 in the am

They are still ignoring us. But, I can see the vein popping out of Tala's head, meaning he's ready to blow (oo-er). Tyson is pea-shooting chewed up paper into Tala's hair, though, so that might be why he's looking a bit veiny.

9.20 in the am

Kai's looking a bit veiny, too, now. Tyson shot one of his chewed-up papers into Kai's ear. Kai was sat there, all innocently, and then a big-arse piece of paper went shooting down his ear, and he was sat there for at least two minutes, flailing around, trying to get it out.

In the end, Tala got his tweezers out, and got the paper out of Kai's ear himself. Then they both glared at Tyson.

What's worrying about that sentence, is "Tala got his tweezers out".

1) HE HAS TWEEZERS?! Which wouldn't be so weird… But…

2) HE CARRIES HIS TWEEZERS AROUND WITH HIM?!

I will have to ask Tala about his tweezers. When he's actually talking to me. It might end up with me in the medical ward, but hey, I want to know why he carries those around.

9.25 in the am

They have exploded. Tyson is getting shouted at like there's no tomorrow. It's odd, normally they'd just beat him up. I would like to know why the teacher isn't intervening.

"For God's sake, will you just shut up?!" I shouted.

All three of them (and the rest of the class) looked at me.

"Just stop arguing over pointless things, and argue over something worthwhile!" I told them. Here it is again, me being the bloody voice of reason.

"Are you trying to say that my eyebrows and hair aren't worthy of an argument?" Tala asked.

"Yes- NO! That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just saying that there are bigger things to argue over," I replied. I'm probably digging myself into a massive hole.

"Like what?" Kai asked.

"Well, I don't know… But there are bigger things… Trust me," I replied.

"Er, boys, can you please sit down, and we'll continue with the lesson…" the teacher finally said. What a wimp.

Tala and Kai glared at Tyson one last time before sitting back down in front of us. Tyson hadn't even stood up, but did when I sat back down. I looked at him. He looked at me. And then ran out of the class.

Everyone looked at the now-open door, and then looked at me.

"I honestly have no idea what that was about," I told everyone.

Lunch

12.13 in the pm

Me and Mariam have been joined by Kai and Tala. It's unnerving… The way they seem to come and sit with us, and talk to us a lot more recently… I want to know what they're up to…

"So, Tyson just ran out, and didn't come back?" Mariam asked.

"Yup. He didn't even give any warning. He just ran for it," I replied, stirring what was supposed to be stew, but definitely didn't look like it.

"Maybe he really is a seahorse," Kai said, shrugging.

We all looked at him.

"You're so cute," Tala told Kai, kissing him on the forehead.

Me and Mariam went "aww", and Kai blushed.

Kai blushed.

THE Kai Hiwatari. Blushed.

12.20 in the pm

Kai has returned to normal colour, and I'm still wondering what's made Kai this… Soft… Maybe Tala's just had a good effect on him… Or bad depending which way you look at it.

I can see Bryan and Spencer over the other side of the canteen, glaring in Tala and Kai's direction.

"Hey, Bryan and Spencer are over there, now. Why don't you sit with them?" I asked.

"You trying to get rid of us?" Tala said.

"No, just wondering why you aren't sitting with them," I said.

"Well, if you must know, they're being twats. Bastards. Gits. Fucktards. They keep doing everything in their power to split me and Kai up. Bryan's trying more than Spencer, but Spencer's still helping," Tala told us.

"Why would they want to split you up?" Mariam asked, frowning.

"Jealous," Kai replied.

"Yup. Because I have the cutest, hottest, sexiest boyfriend in the world," Tala grinned, hugging Kai, who blushed. Again.

A minute later

Tyson has joined us. Brooklyn isn't with him, for once.

"Where the Hell did you run off to?" I asked him when he sat down.

"Needed to throw up. Again." Tyson sighed.

"I think you should go and see a doctor. It sounds really bad," Mariam said.

"I already saw a doctor. I went today with Brooklyn, that's why I haven't been around since I ran out of English," Tyson replied, slurping on his stew-that-doesn't-look-like-stew.

"What did they say?" Kai asked.

"Why are you two so interested?" Tyson said, staring at Tala and Kai, who were staring at him.

"Just concerned," Kai replied.

"Doctor didn't say much. Just did some tests, found out some stuff… And stuff," Tyson mumbled.

"What in the name of arse is that supposed to mean? 'Found out some stuff… And stuff'? What stuff?" I asked.

"Y'know… Just stuff…" Tyson said. "Is this even stew?" He asked, changing the subject, and staring down at his 'food'.

"We were wondering that. But what stuff?" Mariam asked, changing the subject back to Tyson's meeting with the doctor.

"You'll all find out soon. I just need time to process it in my tiny brain," Tyson replied, grinning, but not in his usual grinning way, and went back to eating his 'stew'.

Tala and Kai exchanged glances with each other and me and Mariam, and we all raised our eyebrows and shrugged. In fact, we did it so synchronised, that it made me laugh out loud. So everyone ended up staring at me, because I appeared to be laughing for no reason.

Mathematical Problems Also Known As Algebra And All That Crap, But Let's Just Call It Maths…

2.30 in the pm

Tyson's very quiet. I don't know why. I don't like it.

"I got a phone call from Ray after lunch," I said to Tyson, as I was trying to solve 'if A equals B plus 2xD, what is the value of C', or some other such shit. I don't know. I don't get it.

"Oh, yeah? What did he have to say?" Tyson mumbled. He was scaring me, now.

"He wanted to apologise about Mariah infiltrating back into the school the other day. She apparently wanted to see her chums one last time before they set off later on today. I don't know why it took them so long to get a flight back home…"

"I wondered why Mariah was suddenly back about. I thought that maybe she'd changed her mind about, y'know," Tyson said.

"Having a baby?"

"Yeah," Tyson lay his face on the table. I've done that before. The tables do not smell good.

"No, she still wants one. She just really wanted to see Mariam and Matilda and all that."

"Hmmm."

"What's that 'hmmm' for?" I asked Tyson. His face was still on the table.

"I'll tell you later," he mumbled back.

He is really worrying me, now.

Tea

6.02 in the pm

I haven't asked this for a while, but… WHY DO THEY CALL IT TEA?!

Ahem. Tala and Kai have joined us AGAIN. So has Brooklyn. Tala and Kai are trying to ignore Brooklyn, but Brooklyn keeps making comments about them, and that makes them look up at Brooklyn, and gives their famous death glares.

Tala's eyebrows have not been mentioned. Yet.

Mariam's with us, too. Tyson's still very quiet… It scares me.

"Mariam, shall we go out to town tomorrow?" I asked the only girl at our table. Obviously.

"We have practice matches tomorrow," Mariam said.

"Is that your way of saying no?" I asked.

"No! I'm just saying, we have practice matches…"

"Yeah, and? I think I've only done the practice matches twice since we got here."

"I've never done the practice matches," Brooklyn said, butting into our conversation.

"See? Brooklyn's never even gone to one!"

Mariam looked thoughtful for a second.

"All right. We can't go to the cinema, though, since you got us banned from there," she laughed.

"Oh, yeah, bring that up again. I'm telling you, it was all the fat man's fault."

"How was it his fault? He was only stuck in the door."

"Exactly. If he hadn't gotten stuck, I wouldn't have been cheeky."

"You're always cheeky."

"I am not."

"So are."

"Can you please stop. It's sickening to watch," Tala said.

"That's not fair. We always have to watch you and Kai give each other sexy glances," Mariam said.

"Yeah, and? Kai's hot, it's allowed," Tala said, brushing a strand of hair out of Kai's face, and kissing him on the forehead… Making Kai blush.

Kai will turn permanently red if Tala keeps this up.

"Well, if I want to snog Max, I will," Mariam said.

She turned to me, as I tried to take in what she just said. Then she kissed me. I didn't even get a chance to think or respond until she pulled away and said, "oi, you're supposed to kiss back, you numpty."

"OK," I said, and she kissed me again, and this time I managed to kiss her, too.

"Do you mind, I'm trying to eat," Tyson said.

"Let's join in," Tala said.

"No, thanks," Tyson replied.

"I wasn't talking to you, Cappy!"

"Well you were looking at me! How was I supposed to know that you weren't talking to me?!"

"Because I would NEVER snog you!"

"You'd be lucky to get anywhere near my lips!"

As yet another argument broke out between Tyson and Tala, everyone else at the table just looked on. I don't think any of us can be bothered to break up the fight.

"Hey, Mariam, about tomorrow-" I started.

"I already said I'd go out to town with you," Mariam interrupted.

"Yeah, I know. But how would you like it to be our very first outing as boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"'Outing'?"

"You just completely missed the boyfriend and girlfriend part, didn't you?"

"Are you asking me out?"

"If you were any slower, you'd be going backwards."

"I was going to say yes, but now you just insulted me…"

"I didn't mean it!"

"Hahaha, I knew you'd say that. So yes, Maxwell, I'd love to be your girlfriend," Mariam smiled at me.

I frowned.

"My name's not Maxwell."

"I know."

"You're mad."

"No, YOU'RE mad."

"No, I think you'll find YOU'RE mad!"

"I hate to break your touching moment up, but I think we might have to step in before someone gets hurt," Kai said, pointing at Tyson and Tala, who were brandishing cutlery at each other.

Me, Mariam and Kai looked at each other nervously. Brooklyn was sat back in his chair, eyes closed and humming to himself happily. I find it hard to believe he was actually unaware of the argument.

"TYSON, YOU'RE SO GAY!" Tala shouted.

"WELL, SO ARE YOU, DUMBASS!" Tyson shouted back.

The whole canteen was chanting "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT" again. You've got to admit, we do provide entertainment.

"YOU HONESTLY SHOULDN'T HAVE STARTED ANOTHER ARGUMENT WITH ME, TYSON!" Tala roared. He was scary when angry.

"YEAH? AND YOU SHOULDN'T PICK A FIGHT WITH A PREGNANT DUDE!" Tyson shouted back.

Everyone went quiet. Everyone looked at Tyson. Tyson looked shocked at what he had just revealed.

"Well, blow me down, and call me Edna," Mariam said.

She is not wrong.

* * *

A/N: IT'S OVERRRRRRRRRRR -cries-. Aren't I evil for leaving it right here? And now you have to wait for the sequel for everything else.

I'd like to say that I love Tala's eyebrows very much XD

I'd also like to say that I'd just finished this chapter, saved it, closed it, and then the phone rang, so I went downstairs (taking care to shut my door - because Bam, my rabbit, is roaming my room at the moment), answered the phone, put my work uniform on the washing line outside (it was my Mum on the phone, telling me to do that XD), and then when I come back upstairs, Bam was sat there, all innocent-like, and I looked at my laptop, and this message was up on screen:

"Are you sure you want to move this file to the Recycle Bin?

Chapter 13 - Well, Blow Me Down And Call Me Edna!"

I was like, "OMG NOOOOOOOOO BAM!!". It's OK, though :) So, erm… I'll post the special sneaky peeks I have for you guys tomorrow. You'll love them.


	14. Sneaky Peeks!

'**The Next One'**

**Sneak Previews!**

A/N: So, here are some of the promised sneaky peeks from the next story… Some of them are just one lines, and some aren't… And most of them leave you hanging as to what will happen… Mwahahaha. By the way, the next story isn't called 'The Next One'. Would sound good, though XD Enjoy these sneaky peeks, and I'll get planning the new story straight away!

* * *

Tyson is having a singsong… He's singing badly, of course.

"Oooh, when I was a young warthog!"

"I dread to think what that baby's going to look like, then."

* * *

Er, dear diary…

Is that how Max starts his?

No, he can't start it like that. He writes in it too much…

Anyway, I am Kai Hiwatari, and I am entering you.

NO!

I don't mean that! I mean I'm writing an entry in you!

* * *

"Everyone in this pool has sucked my tits," Hilary said.

"No they haven't," Tyson said.

"What tits?" Kai said.

* * *

"Tala," Kai began, "can I have a pet seahorse?"

"Where the fuck would you keep a seahorse?"

"In the bath."

* * *

I said I'd find that rulebook, and I have!

Rule 23: Students will avoid having sexual contact with teachers.

Hmm, I haven't broken this one. Yet. Mwahahahaha….

* * *

"I swear this baby keeps pulling my balls up," Tyson said.

* * *

"Someone's stolen your horn!" Mariam shouted.

* * *

"NOOOOOO! BIBBET!!"

* * *

"YOU'RE HALF MAN, HALF WOMAN?!" I shouted.

"Holy crap," Tyson said.

"… I think I might faint," I said.

"What's it like having a penis and a vagina? Can you have sex with yourself?" Tyson asked.

"If you weren't pregnant, I'd so kick your arse."

* * *

"Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's-"

"HOLY FUCK! ME WATERS HAVE BROKEN, MATIES! GET YER PADDLES, AND GET ME TO A HOSPITAL NOW!"

* * *

A/N: Does the sequel look promising? I sure hope so XD I have no idea how long it'll be, as from the beginning of the story, we'll be 6 months into Tyson's pregnancy, and then it's near the end when he gives birth. So, it may well end up being twice as long as this one!! Anyway, we'll all find out once I've planned and written it! Lol!! Thanks for reading "Confessions". All your reads, reviews and everything mean so much to me! I just hope you do enjoy "Chronicles" as much! Oops, a sneaky peek at the title :P xxxxxxxxxxxx


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